Head First

Well hello my Yabbers. I must say I am so sorry I haven't been blogging. I've been very busy, which is new for me, and I haven't been making time for FuckYab.

It seems I finally am starting to have a life again. This could be for a number of reasons.
First of all, it's summer. For some people summer is a time to relax- and it's not like it's not a time to relax for me-, but summer is when I shine. There are concerts to be seen, sun to be bathed in, work to be done- full time-, and friends are around.

I've always had friends around but with my lovely graduates fresh out of college it's great to have a lot of people in closer proimiety to me. Over the past year I also declined a lot of invitations to do things. Now, I've made a commitment to saying yes. I'm jumping into the cold water and facing my social anxiety to hopefully minimize it, BAM

Last summer ('12) was a time of serious seclusion and recovery, this summer is different. It feels like it's going to be a good summer, which is ironic because it's summer '13 (unlucky) but I'm feeling lucky ladies and gents!

The second reason I could be starting to have a real life again is because I have been entered back into the program (AA), slowly but surely. I have a meeting I go to every Thursday, and I just went to a Monday meeting that I'm gonna start hittin.

It's still very nerve racking and uncomfortable for me to make friends and mingle sober but I'm trying to dive into the cold water. I go to group therapy twice a week and I'm contributing lots. I'm still not sharing in meetings but I did finally go up and get my one year coin this past Thursday when I celebrated 15 months.
Just getting up and walking in front of everyone was very scary for me. Even though I try to remember that everyone else is probably just as unsure of meeting new people as I am, I still feel very different and, well, new to the program.
But I am meeting people. I'm saying yes to doing new things rather then sit at home and wonder how things would have gone.




It's been a long time since I've actually had my days fully filled. For a little while I had a fear that would never happen again, or at least not for a long time. Life definitely isn't the same as it was when I was constantly surrounded by people I new and was so comfortable with in Burlington. I don't know if I'll ever have that agin. I think I will conquer other cities, starting with philadelphia, but Burlington will always be and stay my first love and introduction to familiarity.
I don't pine for Burlington like I use to, thank God that that's over.
I see Burlington for what it was/ is: beautiful and intoxicating. I will always love that city but I'm happy I'm growing up from it.

I will keep you more updated on how this summer goes because I feel like it is going to be interesting. I can't foresee what's coming but I'm excited. I no longer have a feeling of warning uncertainty. I am following my intuition into an unseen and unimaginable bright future.





And I do this by staying #groundedbyglitter.

Time to Jump In.