2015...What the Hell Do You Have in Store For Me?

Bonjour! Comment allez-vous?

I'm feeling a little foreign today

Did you think I wasn’t going to do a new years post? Betch, pleeeeease. This is my favorite time to write! 

Reflecting on the past, looking to the future, making plans and resolutions. New years blogs are the best.
I've just been really thinking about this one for a while now...

This year however, my resolutions are different. 
Numero uno: don’t smoke more. I’m not saying I’m going to quit or smoke less necessarily.. But no more. I refuse to increase my nicotine habit. And by 26 I will be done. But I know I’m not quite there yet and Lordy lord, Im not even gona try. But, no increase. I'm trying to set realistic goals. So there. 


My other goal, is to read more and continue educating myself. I have set these resolutions before but I think every year, searching for more knowledge is definitely beneficial. 

One thing for 2015, that I did not have in past years is a theme.

This NYE I was sitting on a roof deck in NYC, on Park Ave., with some very good people. And when I say good, I don't mean like, "ya, you know, good." I mean... Good. Like having positive qualities. And one of my friends, who is really beyond a friend to me, announced that this year she was going to have a "New Years Theme."
Yes, yes, yes! I loved it!

This year I will have a theme. 
My theme for 2015 will be: balance. 

2014 was a long year, with many many ups and downs.  I was either up to late or sleeping to much to, going at 90 m/hr or crashing, hitting two AA meetings in a day or zero for a whole month. Although the highs were high, some of the lows were shitty lows. I feel by the close of 2014 I did lose a fair amount of balance. Balance and I were teetering away from each other to say the least...

This year overall was crazy, in retrospect. The way I was living my life in January was entirely different from how it ended in December. I could never have foreseen the things that I was confronted with in 2014. Not in my craziest dreams, and if someone had told me how this year was going to play out I would have laughed in their face.


With the end of 2014 and the welcoming of 2015, I have somehow grabbed hold of my life again. Somehow.
I'm not saying I fell apart this past year. I in no way crumbled...
You want to see me crumbling? I encourage you to look at my life circa 2009-2011... Those years... and periods there... crumbled. LIKE A COOKIE.

In fact, I think I have held my life together better than I have in my entire life. I moved with poise through the past couple of months.

But life is a fucking bitch. And sometimes you get hit in the face, hit in the stomach, and hit with a pile of bricks.

If I had to give 2014 a rating, I'd give it like a 87%. It was thrilling, channeling, rewarding all wrapped into one long year.

I would be lying if I were to say I'm not afraid of what is in store for me this year. I feel as I get older life just gets harder. Things get more complicated and complex and sometimes I am left feeling perplexed.

But I have a good feeling about 2015.
When I left NYC from my NYE trip, I didn't come home with that vacation hang over. I came home excited about life. Excited to see what's in the future, be it scary or not.
2015, hit me with your best shot because whatever you have in store, I'm ready. 

So we're gonna throw this one up to God and hope for the best.