The Boy Who Vanished From My Life.

I wrote a couple months ago about how I let someone out of my life and I said, " I didn't realize it was the last time I would see them." Which in retrospect, was incredibly overly dramatic. I will see that person, probably sooner than later... And I can be a drama queen. 

But there is a boy, from my life, who has completed vanished, and I am more than heart broken about it. 

One of the founding stories, of the program I work for is called The Starfish Story. Here it is :

I loved hearing this story during training because anyone from my beloved summer camp could tell you that story. It was told during our campfires and would give me chills.
It wasn't just a founding story for my job. It was a foundational story of my youth and was incredibly inspirational to hear going into a new working environment. 

This job, has been nothing that I expected, but to be honest with you, I didn't know what to expect. 

I feel I am more of an open person, now and I'm jaded at the same time. 

But back to starfish and the boy who has left my life... 

I have spent the past school year with a seventh grade boys classroom so I have been surrounded by boys all day. For 7 months. Burping, farting, dick eating. I've heard and seen it all, at this point. 

From the beginning there was one child that I knew was gonna be my babuh.
He was Puerto Rican, little, curly voluminous hair and a mouth on him that could curse out a sailor. But he was adorably sweet with me, and probably only me because we were cut from the same cloth. Not in looks or background, but the way we viewed the world. And I loved him so much. He was one of the few kids I could always get to actually do work with me and even though he was so silly I could see him making progress, I could get shit done with him. He was my starfish.  

So a couple days before Christmas break he wasn't in school, which was typical- he had horrible attendance. He would tell me, that he would stay home from school to watch TV.... WONDERFUL. We were working on that, but it was unbeknownst to me that that was what I should have been focusing on. 

He never returned to school. 

And there is high probability he never will.

It's hard when everything you are working against, comes and knocks you upside the head. This is the opposite of Freedom Writers and Dangerous Minds.  This is the kid I thought I could save, being the first one to fail.

I have tried to fight to get this kid back in school but I can't do much. 

Phone lines go dead, his brother's rarely in school, the mother's apparently in jail... 

A lot of teachers thought this kid was a pain in the ass and had his head in the clouds, but I really did believe in him, so much.

I give it up to teachers, especially the ones in tough environments and those who teach children with disabilities. It takes a whole lot more than patience. 

At the beginning of all this I was so pumped. Now I'm feeling like I did nothing this year except try to make myself feel better. How many other kids will I lose, without even knowing about it? How many kids have no one to lose them? 

I've always thought my life was so hard and yea, we all have struggles but I thank god every night I am where I am and I have the things I do.
My version of hard, is luxury for a lot of fucking people. 

To be honest, if I have just made myself feel better this year than I guess I am "making better happen" and I'll tell you this, I didn't make things worse.

I push my boys. I expect them to do better. And if someone sets that expectation then at least they'll take that away. If nothing else, they'll remember my laugh and I know that makes people smile. 

No, I haven't given up on humanity, I just see a little bit more of it. And I want to keep helping and stop losing kids to fucked up shit.

Although I will never know what happens to this kid, I will never forget him. Maybe, probably, I will never see him again but lord almighty, I will never forget him.