Women Crush Wednesday

Cara Delevingne

Why I hate Valentines Day

I don't hate valentines day because it was created by Hallmark and greeting card companies. I don't hate it because it is a day of chocolate, actually I love that it involves candy. I don't hate it because it has to do with love, I really do love love.

I hate it because every year it is absolutely miserable.

Never have I ever: Had a real valentine.

The only person that has been truly good to me on valentines day has been my mother.

Two years ago, this lovely holiday, I was starting to spiral out of control, was eventually hospitalized for 30 days and this day definitely contributed to that.

Valentines day is overrated. and is stupid. 

I have learned to have very, very low expectations. Don't hope for the best, expect the worst. Simply, expect the worst.

Call me cynical all you want but I have no mercy for this day.

Maybe movies and Hallmark hype this day up for everyone anyway. I have yet to hear of someone actually having a fantastic valentine's day. In fact, it's SUPRISE! YOU GUESSED IT! Usually a let down for the majority of people.

Fuck cupid.

Ya sure I would love to have a valentine, don't get me wrong. And ya of course, I got them in school and from my loves.
BUT LIKE WHAT EVEN IS A VALENTINE? Have you ever asked that question? Or do we all just assume it's meaning? Am I the only one slightly confused about this?

Be mine, valentine?
like ya, sure... but what does that entail?

According to Yahoo Answers, a valentine is someone special.

Maybe I'm just letting this holiday get the best of me, yet again.

Like I said, Expect the worst.

And like yes, I know I am just being super cynical. But like this is not my holiday. Nothing good has ever happened.

@annae wants me to go out on the town with her which I am trying to decide if I am ok with.
I would really like to go to the movies and watch something about a love that I will never have and then eat chocolate till I puke, because I can't even drink wine til I puke- which is definitely a good thing for everyone...

TO ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE: we are all expecting something. The movies and greeting cards in life have made this the day we want something special to happen. But I am expecting the worst.
Good luck men. Don't fuck up.

Truth be told: Maybe I don't hate valentines day. Every year I give out valentines and I love making valentines. Like I said in the beginning, I do love love. I'm just secretly scared it will never find me.

idk why... 

I'm LYKE SO PRETTY THOUGH 

Resolutions.

Ok so this is a little delayed...
Considering it's Febucray... which means valentines day... which means, I WILL PROBABLY KILL MYSELF.
But I digress....

Here, are Yab's resolutions!

I've decided to do 7 ressys because I think it is a gloriously random number. However, when examined closely- you will find- 7 is a great number. It's just enough to actually work on and not lose focus.

1. get healthy.... obviously. (classic staple resolution)
more smoothies, juice, gym 4-6 times a week
get back into a better routine. But not really lose weight neccesarily (although that is always nice) but just feel better. Eat better, live better, feel better.

2. Work through my anxiety
I have been working pretty hard with my therapist lately. Probably harder than I have worked on anything therapeutically. I will fight and conquer THIS.

3. find passion
I am doing a lot of life things, this year. From interning, to volunteering, to everything else. I want to really find what it is I have been searching for for so long and SEIZE IT.

4. wake up early, everyday
I sleep way too much. This is better than my old habits of not sleeping at all, but ive gotten into the habit of waaay too much sleep. I have already started working on this and I'm making progress.
Comfortably sleeping until 12-1pm is not ok.

5. Educate myself
I'm taking sometime off of school, that doesn't mean I can't still be learner. I have a larger drawer  (because I have no room for a bookshelf) of books. And I have my beloved kindle.
Currently reading: Journey to the Souls

6. Put less pressure on myself.
I tend to be my own worst enemy and biggest critique. Not so good.

7. Give back, better my soul
I am doing a lot of volunteer work currently, and for this upcoming year. I am doing this at the suggestion of my family but I really am hoping to gain something great out of it.

I honestly feel like these are all sort of cliche and cheesy, but HEY, I think they are good goals and I will work my hardest to accomplish them.

SAMCRO

Ok, ok, ok, I KNOW.

Many of you are going to be like, "Gab... We've been hip to SOA since it started... You're behind the times..." I GET THAT. BUT I MUST CONTINUE...

I have heard of Sons of Anarchy, since it first started out on FX back in 2009, but it just didn't really appeal to me. I like bikers I guess, but I thought it would just be about ... i don't really know... biking around? with drugs and guns?
I didn't get the point

BUT LET ME TELL YOU.
THIS SHOW. MAN OH MAN.

I don't want to give anything away for anyone who has yet to see it. BUT, like i watch a good amount of tv... this show.... was more gripping then anything I've ever seen. Point blank.
Maybe it's because of my sick obsessions of babies and wanting to be a mother, and getting to see parents in action. BUT SEASON 3 WAS CRAZY.

I'm on season four now. This is actually probably the most I've ever binge watched a show, which is one of my favorite things to do. I have no time to keep current. Give me ever episode and a snow day AND I AM A HAPPY WOMAN.


The whole reason I started watching the show was obviously for Jackson Teller, and he does not disappoint.

short hair, long hair, no hair, I don't care

I'm at a weird point right now though. I have watched about 8 episodes in the last 24 hours. I'm starting to feel like I'm in Charming...

Not really sure how I'm going to readjust to the real world... but that's going to have to happen sooner or later...

Talk that Talk

Its very frustrating being such a creative person. Sometimes I just OOOZE ideas at the wrong place, wrong time. And when I sit down to do something I fucking can not. I am unable.
Makes me want to yell ...

I was in the other day talking to myself, as I usually do, saying things I should have been writing down. Sometimes I have incredible talks with myself and I later just can't seem to capture what it was I was saying.
Funny thing though, that's what I was talking about; talking.

I wish I could have a reality show, but in this day and Kardashian age, who doesn't?

This is what I was saying:

It's hard for me to just talk. I am a writer. I can get things to the page, but when I have to just talk, about what I'm feeling or even doing, it's not so easy for me.
I love to converse. I can have a good conversation no problem, and that's one of the things I enjoy most in life. But when it comes to just talking it's hard for me.

And it's hard for me to value pauses. It's something I try to take advantage of, I've even written about, but they make me extremely uneasy.
I'm always trying to find the ways to fill the silence.

tounge tied. 

I do a lot of therapy, group and individual. I find it easy to talk about myself in my individual sessions. In a group setting it's harder for me, and whether that's a group of my peers, alcoholics or even my family, I find it difficult.

don't speak

I go to a lot of AA meetings and in the meetings people share. This is hard for me. I don't like all the attention on me and just the concept of "sharing" is difficult.

My dear dear friend was once explaining why to me why he didn't like sharing in meetings, he said it was all confusion.
Don't get me wrong- I love meetings and I think they are extremely helpful- but there is some chaos to them. You share about alcohol or a topic, depending on the kind of meeting. Shares are suppose to be about five minutes give or take.

Whenever I share it's for about a minute. Everything in my head gets sped up and I just spit out what I can.
However, most people share for closer to 10 minutes and it's confusing to me!
They speak so fluently and eloquent. NOT ME.
I constantly have these full and great thoughts in my head but when someone asks me what I'm thinking.... sometimes I just don't have the words. I have so many thoughts going on all the time, to just say them is too much.

 

Idk just speaking is hard for me. I guess it's because I have walls that I am needing to break down and I am so use to getting my feelings out on a page. 

I can just talk to my closest friends no problem. I can talk and talk and talk.
Most people who read this are going to be like, this is utter bullshit, all you do is talk GAB (named so appropriately) but I guess I just think even more.


&New situations are hard for me.

SPEAKING OF NEW SITUATIONS, 

here's what's been going on with yab:

I told ya'll I did horrible this semester in school, so I finally told my parents and they had me quit my job and do something drastic with my life.
So for the next couple of months I am volunteering at three organizations that I have found, in Philly. I am really excited about this. I just, today, got an internship doing social media and PR at one of these nonprofits, SO THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

I'm trying to find my passion for, and in, life. I am definitely on a journey, and I have been for a while.
It's a new year, and I've got new resolutions. COMING NEXT RESOLUTIONS....
stay tuned.

2014 Golden Globes

Real Quick Recap:

Always appreciated J law.

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