Dot, Dot, Dot...

SaoOo0oo0oo0o 

a couple weeks ago... or maybe it was a week... I don't know, nor do I give a flying fuck- I said that I don't really know what I'm doing with my life. Refer to this post.

And ya know, I thought "oh I'm just whining, I'm not really going to do anything about this, just a usual yab post......" NOPE.

So I decided to switch my major. You might think that this is sorta stupid to do as I'm 22 ( I fucking think it is) but it's really not.
Sophomore year of my college career, at Champlain college, I took my fall semester off- actually I took 3 online course that I, YOU GUESSED IT, failed. I just didn't do them... NOPE.
Then summer '11 I took summer classes so I guess I was a full on sophomore at that point.
And then my junior at Champlain was, well... it was not existent.
I took the whole year off then I moved home and started going to Temple University in fall of '12. So I'm a... I don't fucking know a full on junior? Maybe? NOPE.
Credits get transfered in as electives or not at all.

So now I have the bright idea of switching majors... LIKE WHAT AM I DOING??


OH WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY YOLO.

And no. Assholes. I'm not going to be in school for seven years and I'm not wasting all of mommy and daddy's money.

NO. NO. NO. THIS IS NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING. 

Yes. This is happening. Going brain dead.

Switching from Public Relations to Media Studies, particularly Media Business and Entrepreneurship, will actually work with more of my transfered credits.

I'm just really, really... REALLY frustrated right now. Temple is different from Champlain... LIKE BY A LOT.

Aggressive.  

What I'm talking about in particular is advisors. At Champlain you had an advisor, at Temple there are just advisors. You meet with any advisor, not one specifically, and you have a quick meeting with them. There really nice and helpful but like lezbehonest, if I'm not in their office all the time they're not going to remember me.

So now, I have to make all these decisions on my own. FABULOUS.
AND APPARENTLY IT'S NOT GETTING DONE TONIGHT.
because I'm going to bed. Early... o wait, NOPE.

After flipping out on my mom, and then talking it over with her calmly, she said it's not worth trying to pin hole myself into a career because that's not going to happen.
Which I never really thought of before.

I'm not becoming a doctor or a teacher. I don't know exactly what I want to be so I might as well just relax.

THEN WHY AM I STILL FLIPPING OUT ?!

it's just really frustrating because all my friends are graduating this month, and I'm like cool.....
Not that I'm not super stoke for them! Because I really am. They've worked so hard and I knew they would do it.

But it's kinda just like ok... meep... I'm switching majors... uh wait wut...

So IDK.

The thing is I just feel like I'm making a huge decision. Which I'm probably not. I'll probably end up in sales, or writing, something having nothing to do with relations or media.

I just don't want to make this decision. I want someone to do it for me. Clearly that's not going to happen so... time to put on big girl pants and dive in to the cold water head first.
Like I said before... Yolo.

ok.

I hope you don't take my use of yolo srsly... 

The Miracle of Life.

I am baby obsessed. 

 

Mid way through my freshman year of college I called my mom and said, "Mom, I just really want a baby." Point blank. Naturally she freaked out. What mother wouldn't freak out when their 19 year old daughter said something like that.

I had to explain myself.

Babysitting (like my mother suggested) was no longer filling my needs. I wanted something that was all mine, something that I wrote the owner's manual for. No one would be able to take something like a baby away from me (I mean besides child services...)
Now, cool your jets, I wasn't going to go ahead and act on this instinct. I wasn't like being insane and trying to get pregnant. The thought of babies were just constantly on my mind and they seemed to be everywhere. Mothers taunting me with their beautiful infants with cute rosy cheeks that I couldn't pinch because they didn't belong to me. I just really wanted one.

My mom said to me, "you have to wait til it's fair to you and the child tohave one. It would be extremely selfish to have a kid right now" So very true Mary Beth.

These days I don't so much want to care for and have my own child. However, I o so badly want to grow a baby inside my stomach. I constantly think about it. Like what the fuck does that feel like. And eating for two? Yup I could do that.

One of my old bosses in cupcake land absolutely hated babies. She said they were parasites. I disagree. I mean I guess fetuses sorta are like parasites. They feed of you and live inside of you but at the end of it all... YOU HAVE A CHILD. I just can't even fathom what the feeling of something being formed inside of you could possible feel like.

I was talking to a girl from my work about this today and she totally agreed wanting to grow a baby. "It's totally cliche but birth really is a miracle!" So true. SO TRUE. LIKE A PERSON COMES OUT OF YOUR VAGINA FROM BASICALLY NOTHING
(insert crowning photo) (no I won't)



I can't even remember to flush the toilet after I use it let alone change a diaper right now. No no, it is not the time for a baby.


It is crazy to think that a baby really isn't that far away. MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK'S A TICKING.
As much as I want a babe and am fascinated by the idea of pregnancy, I'm not rushing it.

This is the last couple of years of my life I can be really selfish and I'm loving it. Plus I'm building a mom my children will be able to admire and respect.

When the time comes... I will be ready.
~CANT WAIT.~

My kids will be cooler than yours.