Exit Only.

I don't really like leaving door ajar. I like doors opened and then closed.

I'm either in or out.

When I'm doing something I either go balls to the walls or not at all. Even if my full attempt is for a mere two seconds, I go as hard as I can. At least I try to.
If I don't think I'm going to be the best at something I will be very reluctant to do it.

This particularly pertains to my relationships.

I don't like the limbo.

....Which I find getting myself stuck in constantly because I have these fake relationships.

Guys don't even take the time to break up with me, they just stop talking to me. Usually because we weren't even really ever together.


"You're always trying to break up with me and we're not even together."
-Claire Elizabethtown

The main reason this keeps, constantly, happening is because I don't talk about my feelings or let people tell me theirs. I just don't want to go their.
No, no, no. I will write you a letter and then not discuss it, I will act like I love you and then run away, but I will not tell you how I am feeling.


I think I really will be forever alone because I just sit there and let people pass me by.

It's annoying too *on a side note* because some people say oh forever alone and they've had, oh and will have, relationships.
I actually will be forever alone. 
I haven't talked about this, or bitched about this in a while, because I've been trying to stay positive and focus on the less superficial things that concern my life but today has been the shittest of days- sorry yesterday- and I just want to bitch.

I would rather cut ties with someone then have a conversation and say how I feel about this or that. I'd rather defriend someone then deal with the fact that I miss them. Hear no evil, feel no evil- in my book.

"You know, there is nothing greater than deciding in your life that things maybe really are black and white!" "You shouldn't be the substitute for anybody."
- Drew Baylore Elizabethtown

There is no limbo for me. FUCK THE LIMBO.

It's my fault though too.  I think I'm still just at a bad girl at heart. In the sultry words of our beloved, controversial, bad bitch, Rihanna: "I've never made love but I know how to fuck."

Fuck in all senses of the word. Like fuck with and... Well... Fuck. 

But I'm growing up and I don't really fuck so much anymore... In any sense of the word actually. 

I know this. I deserve to be with someone who wants to keep the door wide open, no if ands or butts. I have high standards and I am fine with that. I am allowed to be picky. I am allowed to close doors. Especially if once a door is closed a boy doesn't try to knock or open it again. Then, well then, that door deserves to be locked.

The right man will find the key to my heart. He won't even need to knock or ring the door, he's key will open that door right up.

Even The Best Men Go Bad

I was inspired by Elvis Presley today, but I can't help but think how TERRIBLY HORRIBLE HE TURNED OUT IN THE END. 

 That is all.

Maybe I'm better off single anyway... If this is the way the King turned out, I'm happy to not be dragged down by a crown.
No, no, no we can not go on together with suspicious minds, so I'll be going now.

I Just. I Just. I Love Them.

I'm in the process of making new friends and forming tighter relationships with good people.

Recently I've met some kids from Temple, which is really cool, but I like really miss my friends.

I saw a bunch of my old friends from VT last weekend at The Frendly Gathering (if you want the full story check here) but I want to see my best friends.

I miss my soul mates.

I just love them. 

Luckily I have a few of them around, Emma and Victoria, and I saw Rita for a couple of days last week.

But I really miss some of my girlfriends. I just want to hold them in my arms.

It also doesn't help that I've been feeling really lonely.

I've been alone for a really long time. Like a really long time.
Some of my friends and I joke around saying "forever alone" but it's like at the point where it's not funny anymore. I've never had a serious relationship, mostly due to the fact that I avoid physical and emotional connections. But I've been changing over the past year... a lot...

I think I'm finally ready to let someone into my life. I don't wanna play the run around with anyone anymore. I think if the right person comes into my life I'll finally be able to let them in verses all the years I've pushed people away.

Now it's just finding the right person.

I've had a really shitty and good week all rolled into one. Hopefully this week will be slightly better.

I have a summer cold and I want to punch someone in the face. But I will not.
I will try to smile tomorrow.

Dot, Dot, Dot...

SaoOo0oo0oo0o 

a couple weeks ago... or maybe it was a week... I don't know, nor do I give a flying fuck- I said that I don't really know what I'm doing with my life. Refer to this post.

And ya know, I thought "oh I'm just whining, I'm not really going to do anything about this, just a usual yab post......" NOPE.

So I decided to switch my major. You might think that this is sorta stupid to do as I'm 22 ( I fucking think it is) but it's really not.
Sophomore year of my college career, at Champlain college, I took my fall semester off- actually I took 3 online course that I, YOU GUESSED IT, failed. I just didn't do them... NOPE.
Then summer '11 I took summer classes so I guess I was a full on sophomore at that point.
And then my junior at Champlain was, well... it was not existent.
I took the whole year off then I moved home and started going to Temple University in fall of '12. So I'm a... I don't fucking know a full on junior? Maybe? NOPE.
Credits get transfered in as electives or not at all.

So now I have the bright idea of switching majors... LIKE WHAT AM I DOING??


OH WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY YOLO.

And no. Assholes. I'm not going to be in school for seven years and I'm not wasting all of mommy and daddy's money.

NO. NO. NO. THIS IS NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING. 

Yes. This is happening. Going brain dead.

Switching from Public Relations to Media Studies, particularly Media Business and Entrepreneurship, will actually work with more of my transfered credits.

I'm just really, really... REALLY frustrated right now. Temple is different from Champlain... LIKE BY A LOT.

Aggressive.  

What I'm talking about in particular is advisors. At Champlain you had an advisor, at Temple there are just advisors. You meet with any advisor, not one specifically, and you have a quick meeting with them. There really nice and helpful but like lezbehonest, if I'm not in their office all the time they're not going to remember me.

So now, I have to make all these decisions on my own. FABULOUS.
AND APPARENTLY IT'S NOT GETTING DONE TONIGHT.
because I'm going to bed. Early... o wait, NOPE.

After flipping out on my mom, and then talking it over with her calmly, she said it's not worth trying to pin hole myself into a career because that's not going to happen.
Which I never really thought of before.

I'm not becoming a doctor or a teacher. I don't know exactly what I want to be so I might as well just relax.

THEN WHY AM I STILL FLIPPING OUT ?!

it's just really frustrating because all my friends are graduating this month, and I'm like cool.....
Not that I'm not super stoke for them! Because I really am. They've worked so hard and I knew they would do it.

But it's kinda just like ok... meep... I'm switching majors... uh wait wut...

So IDK.

The thing is I just feel like I'm making a huge decision. Which I'm probably not. I'll probably end up in sales, or writing, something having nothing to do with relations or media.

I just don't want to make this decision. I want someone to do it for me. Clearly that's not going to happen so... time to put on big girl pants and dive in to the cold water head first.
Like I said before... Yolo.

ok.

I hope you don't take my use of yolo srsly... 

A Quick Thanks.

Ok soOoOo

I was just reading through my blog, particularly the posts from last April- I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU GO LOOK AT THEM-- IN FACT PLEASE DON'T.
And I've concluded: they are absolutely horrible and I can't believe I ever posted them to the internet.

I said this a couple of postings ago, and I'm saying it again,  I know I have quite a few readers. It's not like a bagillion people know what FuckYab is, but I'd say a good number do. I know this from looking at my blogger stats and through word of mouth. Last month I had over 1,000 views! and every time I go to Burlington at least one person says something to me about what I write.

But here's the thing... 

You must all think I am fucking bat shit.

I just want to publicly apologize for some of these posts, because they are fucking terrible, and I want to thank you all who are still reading.

Some of the best people are fucking nuts:

Sometimes I think that my writing has gotten worse since I've stopped smoking weed and gotten sober. After this recent proof reading... I'm seriously rethinking how substances effected my writing.

I mean I guess the thing with this blog is that sometimes I put serious thought, care, and time into a post and sometimes I just fucking wing it.

Winging it.... ehHhHhHh....

I also am being very harsh on myself because April 2012 was probably the worst time of my life. Mentally I was not right, which would obviously be projected in my writing, or lack there of.

Real talk though: I am bat shit.

So as embarrassing as it is when I read these over and think WTF YAB?!
At least I am always being honest...

As a wise artist once said,
"She's just being Miley."








wait wut...







So, I stay loud, crazy, and level head...
#GroundedByGlitter

Girl Power

Ok so I haven't done a music review in a long time SO HERE WE GO!

I was reading buzzfeed's article from today 12 Breaking Moments You Missed at This Year's MTVu Woodie Awards and came across this new band Haim.

Haim is a trio of super hip and gorgeous sisters. They really rock out. Their preformance at the Woodies was super acclaimed, they killed it.

The Woodies are the MTVu awards. They are basically the indie music awards. Filled with awesome new artists and bands that have been around for a while with a small cult following.

I love girl bands so much, to just have come across this band by chance IS JUST SO AWESOME.

This band has not yet released a full length album but I can assure I will be first in line to buy that shit.


The singles Falling, Don't Save Me, and Forever are my favorite.
I also really love music videos and I thought these were really well done, so of course I will post them now for your viewing ~please~

Don't Save Me

Falling



If you have like an hr to kill I'd also highly suggest you watch of the girls at the itunes festival that I stumbled upon on tumblr!

Hope you love these ladies as much as I do

#GIRLPOWER 

#groundedbyGLITTER