How I Stayed Sober For 6 years...

Hi Friends. It's meeeee Gab aka Yab aka your neglective mother. I am SORRY for not writing for so long. It's just like an ordeal for me these days. I have countless drafts that I never publish because I'm too lazy to find pictures and then I just never end up posting it.

One day I'll do archive posts where you can read all my emotional spur of the moment drafts. Plus sometimes I write these heartfelt posts that are so on point with how I'm feeling in that moment and then I take some time and reflect and... I feel differently.

I have come along way since impulse writing and posting about break ups and heartaches.

Today I was in a recovery meeting picking up my six year coin and I mentioned to someone that I had a blog and then I realized wow I haven't been writing in this at all! I was like should I even tell this broad about it because it's so out of date

I didn't write anything for the new year which is usually a huge time of reflection for me and it's a week after my 6 years sober anniversary and I am just sitting down to write. Not ok Gab.

I think what it really is is that my life is going really fucking good right now. I used to use writing as a way to cope with the chaos I was dealing with but things have been so smooth sailing. And I'm almost afraid if I post anything complaining about any aspect everything will blow up. I'm actually in the throws of a functional relationship right now and I'm not even going to tell you anything about it because it's going too well.

It's kinda like treading water right now so that things stay good. Ehhh well maybe not. Maybe this is how normal people just live life, calm and collected.

Have I finally managed to achieve balance!??!?!? No. Maybe. Let's say almost. I guess life is a balancing act that and at this stage I've almost learned to juggle. I'm by no means perfect and there are definite areas that need improvement but this is the best things have been in a while.
However I have some PTSD from the insanity that was the last decade of my life so it does feel a bit like dog paddling. But I know things are going well.

If you were to sit down and read this blog from the beginning you'd go back to when I was still drinking, and you would get to watch me get sober. It's pretty fucking cool for me to have it all in writing.

Sometimes I think maybe it's inappropriate for me to be posting things about the nooks and crannies of my recovery since I am part of an anyonmous program but I think this blog has been a huge vessel for me to share my journey and where my strength comes from.

Going from a drunk to a sober woman of grace you change physically in some ways but you mostly metamorphose from the inside out. It's emotional and it's the way you handle life.

So usually around this time I write about how I've changed and what I'm like now yada yada yada
But right now I want to make  a list of how I have stayed sober over the years, the life hacks if you will.

I have had countless people reach out to me since I got sober about how I did it or just looking for advice. Usually I just give my story, lend my experience and hope they get something out of it but today I am going to tell you how I did it.

How I Stayed Sober For 6 Years: 

I stopped drinking and doing drugs because I was institutionalized. Going to a mental hospital for a month and a half cuts out any possibility of having a drink.

I went to rehab for MONTHS. I was in an intensive outpatient which meant I stayed at home. Group therapy has saved my life. If you've never done it I strongly encourage finding a group. I have been in group therapy since I was 18 and it's amazing. Yeah at first I hated but now I LOVE IT.

I stayed away from men for two years. I had never been on a date before I got sober, I barely had had sober sex, I went to an all catholic girls high school where I lost all social skills with boys. I had no business messing around with guys when I got sober and I honestly stayed the hell away from them.

I got involved in service. Whether it was helping someone else get sober or doing AmeriCorps, service changed and saved my life. And now it is my life. I have found my calling and I am full time dedicated to helping others.

I learned the only persons recovery who matters is mine. Helping other people is important but you can't help someone who won't help themselves. And you can't let active alcoholics or addicts dictate your life. You need to stick with the people that want to better you and make the best choices for your recovery always.

You have to always be willing and ready to change. You can't stay stagnate. Being in recovery means you are constantly trying to make yourself a better person and you can't give up on that. You have to move forward and not backwards. Like I say, onwards and upwards yabbers.

I realized just because I got sober didn't mean life got easier. I got handed a set of tools that I learned how to use. The shittest shit ever can happen to you while your sober. But you have a new way of dealing with it that's not so painful.

I saw that this is life and death. The longer you stay sober the more people you will see go back out and die. It makes you realize how important this fight is. Young drunks don't become old drunks, they die. I wanted to live my life I wasn't ready to go.

But I also got sober to live life. So I got sober at 21, everyone was just starting to go to bars and clubs. I wasn't going to miss this party! I didn't get sober to stay in my house all the time. People still ask me how I am around alcohol so much. Well first of all, I have a large family that drinks so it would be hard to escape from completely. Secondly, I'm a loud vivacious person and I need somewhere to expel all my energy and I love to dance.
So I started by going out with sober friends to dance and then I just started to hang out with "normal drinking friends" and going anywhere I want.

If you are in the right spiritual place there is no where you can't be. However, you should make smart choices and it is not ok to drink vicariously through other people. Lesson learned.

I've come in and out of AA the past six years. I've fucking hated it and I've been so in love with it. But I keep coming back because it works for me. Do the work and put in the time. Always go to that meeting you're thinking about going to.

I say yes to anything anyone in AA asks me. Within reason... I don't have to say yes to a date but I do say yes anytime anyone asks me to be of service to another Alcoholic.

Also, I found God. From the moment I decided I was getting sober I started praying because as a good catholic girl that's what I knew how to do. The majority of 20somethings aren't living there life according to "a higher power or God". But I'm not normal. I don't talk to my friend about God all the time but it's just a huge part of my life. It's no one else's business but mine but my belief in a higher power has gotten me through the toughest times sober.

And finally, you don't have to drink over anything, ever. Period. 

That's it. That's how I've come this far. And you know the biggest thing I keep with me is that I'm still learning. People have been like "holy cow! Six years that's incredible!" And like of course it is but I've just done what I was told to do. It's been fucking tough. I will say that but yeah I don't want to die and I don't want to be locked up in a mental institution for the rest of my life. So this is the path I'm on.
And you know what it's fucking cool! Sobriety is a great ride once you're on board.

6 years later and my life is fucking fantastic. I can't wait to see what the next six years have in store.
TA TA! 

Drugs, Friends, Food

I went to #btv this weekend, always quite a trippp man....
but no I did not trip. I did take a trip yes, to burlington but no drugs for me, although they were, as always, everywhere.

Burlington really is a drug friendly city. Good drugs, clean drugs, dirty drugs, mild, hard, they're all there. I'm sure you can find a mutlitude of drugs in any city and maybe it's just the people I know... but I just always encounter drugs in this city.
Even when I first visited Champlain college with my mom the smell of pot was evident. Sometimes whole streets in Burlington reek of pot.

Burlington is obviously a trigger for me. The people I don't want to see, the houses I use to get fucked up in, the drama, the drugs...
I am at a point now, though, where that stuff doesn't matter. I am really happy with life and I don't want to get fucked up. Don't get me wrong the smell of sweet mary jane is so enticing but I know what I have to lose and that I have very little to gain with that stuff.

It is nice to be in VT and see old sights. Old places I loved, like My Little Cupcake, and people that have helped me be a better person.

Although people are constantly fucked up in Burlington they still manage to be cool humans, most of the time...
Every time I go to burlington there are at least three people that give me props and tell me they admire me for my sobriety and what I'm doing, which is really cool in my eyes.

I don't know how many times I will go back to Burlington, VT. The number is definitely limited. There's not much left for me there.
It's an interesting vibe this last visit.

People are either still in college- about to enter the real world, lingering in burlington after college, or have entered the real world in Burlington. Some people love where they are at, emotionally and physically, and others absolutely hate it.

I am really glad I got out of Burlington. I'm glad I don't pine for it anymore. It's good to miss it because I really had something to miss but it's fading now, it's not the same.

I will say though, I am extremely proud of my best friends in Burlington. They are doing amazing things. From putting on music festivals, start up business projects, to landing jobs and being dedicated and working hard to finish school. I am so happy to have them in my life and love that they are doing amazing things with theirs.

I am happy to be in Philly. I am happy to have a life I care about building and making better. I am happy to have friends, and that I am constantly making new ones.


Life is good for now. And I'm really happy about that.

I will say, I did a lot of eating this weekend, and everything was delicious. NOT JUST CUPCAKES, but mostly the cupcakes.

O Hot Dayum

My poor little blog. I have been neglecting you so much this summer. I apologize for not being as yabby as I should be and not updating you constantly, little blog. I love you very much and always will.

In actuality I have been writing a lot and formulating ideas for posts, I just haven't been publishing anything. I haven't felt tres inspiration from many things lately, well as much as I have in the past.

so busy.

I also have been working on my irl life, versus internet life.
I've been reading lots, going to group and working on therapy, working the steps with my sponsor, making new friends, trying to get a job and moving.

Let me go into depth a little more with all that.

So ya'll know, if you read this, that I do a lot of therapy. This summer I've been doing group therapy that I really enjoy and find very helpful in the continuation of my sobriety as well as growth and development. Also I've made some friends.
I also have actually had friends this summer because my old friends are finally home. YAY FRIENDS.

So I lost my job. I lost my job. I LOST MY JOB. I don't think it's something to really dwell on. I'm trying to learn from the experience and move forward. I have been babysitting a lot this summer but I need a more consistent job, and I'm pretty sure I've found one.

I interview at a salon, for a receptionist position, last Saturday, had a second interview monday and I'm observing the front desk tomorrow. SO I GOT IT. YA GIRL. WOO. ~pep talk~

The salon is closer to my Dads, and I've been having trouble living with my Mom, so I'm trying out living at my Dad's. Which has been a process. I rearranged my room and had to move stuff over here and I'm not done yet. But hopefully this is good.

THATS ABOUT ALL THATS GOING ON.

I'm working on some think pieces for FuckYab, so stay tuned.

And remember, if you're feeling flightly... just try to stay...

#groundedbyglitter.

Starting Over

I didn't relapse hold the phone, but for a while I have been at a standstill.

I made it to a year sober, yay...

glitter for one year.

But like, what am I doing? 
I don't go to meetings, have a sponsor, and I haven't gone through the steps. So like what am I actually accomplishing?

For a while I had the mind set that I would go back to drinking. I thought I'd complete a year and then I'd get back into it again. I didn't think I'd go out and get inebriated but I def was planning out summer events were I planned to be drunk.
Before that, I needed to prove to everyone and myself that I could live without alcohol, which I did. I made it to a year.
Somehow however, my thinking changed before I got to March 20th.
I'd say around January, I started to think that maybe, I wouldn't drink after a year.  I started to like the way things were going really well, for a change.
The desire to get fucked up was still there, of course, but the pros out wayed the cons.
However, I was not focusing on recovery.

So a couple of weeks ago I was in the right place at the right time.

the sky aligned, 

right place, right time.

timing is everything.

I went over to my aunt and uncles for a family bbq and ran into my first alcohol counselor. I hadn't seen this woman since right before I left for college and I was a mess. At that time I was fighting with my parents about wether or not I would do an out patient rehab program in vt while I started school. I was determined to get as far away from this woman as possible. Now, I was so surprised and happy to see her.
She casually asked me how I was doing, probably noticing the plastic cup in my hand and thinking there was something other than water in it. I started talking to her, telling her I moved home and was going to Temple, which she seemed suprised about. Then I told her I was a year sober. She was stoked, like so stoked. She told me she had a couple of Temple students at the program I use to go to (which is for teens and young adults) and to come by and meet some people.
I told her I def would. I also said to her that I don't go to meetings and she said there was a meeting right after group I could go to if I wanted to.
I thought well..... why the fuck not.

So this thursday I got in my car and drove over to my old stompings grounds, to this time maybe not be so much of a little stubborn bitch.

I'm past the point were I don't want help. I need help, constantly, with my life and everything else. I'm not helpless, but I'm willing to ask for help and go get help when I need it....... most of the time.

So after group I went to an AA meeting.

OMG. First one of the year.
It was awesome.

The past meetings I have been to, which have been like a handful, I've definitely related to people but I've never felt comfortable. This was the first time I wanted to keep coming back.
The meeting was full of young people, which was a sigh of relief for me. During the meeting, I silently decided I needed to get a sponsor. I knew who I wanted to talk to afterwards about becoming my sponsor. After the meeting I ran towards her and faced my fears and asked her to be my sponsor.

So I got a sponsor! 

I'm super excited about all this. I went to a meeting last night and am going to another one tonight.

I think I was half ass-ing it until now... obviously I was. I like to minimize my problems.
When I think about how I use to party, I think about just that... the party, not the hangover.

In order for me to complete my goals and more importantly stay out of the hospital I have to stay healthy and sober.

Going back to the begining song in all this. "If I can be an example of getting sober" which I've now done, "then I can be an example of starting over". I want to be someone people look up to and learn from. One of my favorite things to do in life is help my friends through the experiences I have and the things I've been. Now, I'm, as they say, gaining the tools for my tool belt to do just that.







What a fucking cheese ball way to end a post.

One Day, One Year

Ok so Yab lied in her last post, saying I wasn't going to Burlington, VT for St. Paddy's, cause I definitely did that.

Now that I don't drink, visiting the town that I use to do all of my drinking in and being there on a drinking holiday, wasn't exactly a picnic. Honestly though, it wasn't hard.

I love going out with my friends to bars and dancing and I love getting to see the craziness that happens at house parties but it does not make me miss drinking.
If you don't know that you act like somewhat of an idiot when you drink in large quantities, in one way or another... you should reevaluate yourself.

The best part about being sober is getting to be the mom I'm meant to be. Taking care of my little babies and being able to deal with stressful situations is super easy when you're a sober sally.


All you really have is today. If you're lucky to have more than that you're doing something right. Guess what? I'm doing something right.
I have a year.



March 2012.
This time last year I was in the hospital, clinically insane. My body, physically and mentally, was shutting down.

The last few months leading up to the hospital my life was a mess. I was drinking too much, eating to little, and involved with some wrong people. I was treating myself poorly and letting others do the same. When I finally came to the decision to call my mom and turn my life around, it was a fight or flight reflex. I had to do it and get hell out of dodge.

Some of my friends had tried to warn me about my reckless behavior in the past but I never listened. It took hitting, my personal, rock bottom to get back up.









This past year has been really difficult. I've had to turn my life around.

180 degrees

If it wasn't for my family and my friends, that are basically my family, I really wouldn't be where I am now.

I pray everyday because I feel so blessed to be going in the direction that I am.

What made me feel the best about visiting Burlington was hearing from people that I inspire them. That really means so much to me. So as much as I'm doing this for me, I really hope it, in some way, helps you. 

How do I do it you ask? Easy. 
#groundedbyglitter.