Not Him 2016.

One day my children will ask me where I was and what I was doing on this day...

I was watching CNN and slowly panicking, kids.
Yesterday, I wrote "I don't know what the future holds for me" today I write the same thing in a more dire status.

I am frightened. I am astonished. I am outraged.
"one of the most stunning upsets in America's history"

I have listened and watch CNN for the past several hours as numbers roll across the screen determining the future of america.

I sit here now with a prayer candle lit and a crystal beside me hoping that this election is not over. It is 12:13 MT and the election is still up in the air but it is in favor of Donald Trump, there is no doubt about that.

I haven't recently had much to write about, I also stated in my previous post, but right now my fingers are typing faster than my thoughts are going.

I refuse to live in a world where Donald Trump is president of the United States. I am a 26 year old white female, who works two jobs and still lives at the poverty level because I am a full time volunteer making a government stipend.

I don't just talk about politics because it is fun lively conversation. I sit face to face with America's poverty every day and the people who work so hard to alleviate it. For the past three years this is what I have dedicated my life to... Making America great again. I believe Donald Trump does nothing to make America great and I honestly think he embodies everything that is currently wrong with this country. He talks about how rich greed has taken over the white house, but he is white privilege. He is a two faced bully.  He has no political experience whatsoever.

I am so tired of people weighing in on politics who in their day to day lives don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. Or the people who went and helped out one time in Africa so they care about things and are a good person....

Like I said, I'm a 26 year old white woman. I don't have much to fear with the outcome of this election. I don't worry about getting shot, or deported, or having a wall built that blocks me from my family. I do have to worry about men thinking it is ok to degrade women and thinking it's not a big enough deal to not get you elected to president. I am 26 years old and I thought I might get to see the first female president. Now I have to fear being a female which has already caused me so many insecurities that many men will never know or understand. And now my right to choose what happens with my body may get taken away from me to, so I have that to fear as well.

It takes years of hard work to build anything, let alone an empire, but it takes two seconds to knock something down. I have spent 4 and a half years working on not taking a drink of alcohol and one shot of vodka would ruin all of that. Donal Trump is recovery's one shot of vodka.

I don't want this for the children of tomorrow. I don't want this for my god daughter, the girls I babysit, my little cousins, the children at my schools.

It's not fucking funny and it's really serious.
BBC News just said, "Welcome to the Twilight zone."
LIKE DID THE RUSSIANS HACK IN WHAT THE FUCK.

So what's next, we get Mexico to build a wall?

If I am as upset about this as a white female who comes from an upper middle class white family... I can't imagine how the people feel that are deeply affected by this.

I refuse to accept this person as my president. He is everything I am against. I hope I am not alone in my passion for not allowing this person to destroy this great nation.

America I do dabble in tarot cards but let me tell you, I don't need a fucking crystal ball to tell you that shit is about to hit the fucking fan. And honestly, at this point I am ready to go. Per my experience white middle school boys I am really good at discipling and yelling, so if I need to back hand some fellow Americans I accept the challenge. 

I Miss you and I Love you

Truth- I have fallen into a deep dark reality TV hole and it has stopped me from writing.
I am currently watching the Vanderpump Rules Reunion after watching the whole season... Sorry. I'm. Not. Sorry.

but like I am sorry for neglecting my writing.

My two guilty pleasures currently are Bravo TV after work and listening to Sam Hunt while driving to Denver on the weekends....
Who am I?!

Writing is a practiced skilled. If you don't do it everyday it's hard to stay in the habitual motion of getting your thoughts on to paper. I definitely send emails everyday? And I write reports? So like I am writing? But no not really. I definitely know the past year has not been my best in tending to my blog and I hope to do better.

Obviously I do have a lot of things I could be writing about.

The transition from Philly City girl to Rural Northern Colorado country girl has been interesting...
I love it and I hate it.

I love the mountains. I don't have a skyline with tall buildings anymore but on a clear day I can see the snow capped Rocky Mountains perfectly defined, which is uh... pretty fricken cool. I am constantly driving around totally mesmerized.

I live in kind of a weird part of Colorado. I'm in Northern Colorado and it probably isn't the landscape you think of when you think of CO.  I don't live in the mountains, I live in straight cow town. It literally wreaks of cow shit on certain days throughout the whole county... Like it's know for being smelly.

It's mostly flat and I live about an hour from any mountains. But it's super cheap to live here and I am in a very central location. About an hr to both Boulder and Denver and 30 minutes to Fort Collins.

Aside from the aesthetics it's been a big change. I know everything about Philly. I can get anywhere on my bike in 15 minutes or less, on my own, without getting lost. I know all the bars and clubs I like to go to and when is the good nights to go to them. I know all the neighborhoods and I have at least one friend in each section. HERE I barely know the layout of my own town, Denver continues to baffle me, and I don't even have a bike anymore. It's not unusual to drive a total of four hours in a weekend.

It's exciting to be exploring a new place. I feel like I've gotten to know my small town well, I can get to the store I need to without a GPS or anything. Some parts of Denver I have a good understanding of whats where but Denver  is confusing to me. It's super big and it doesn't need to be. Sometimes I look around and I'm like the only person on the street which is SO BIZARRE to me coming from Philadelphia.

The thing that is probably the most difficult is not living super close to any of my friends anymore. Luckily I moved to a state where I knew I would know a lot of people. I came here on my own and by myself but I have a good amount of friends who live around here which is great. But a lot of the people who live here I hadn't seen in yearsss. I have changed so much in the past four years alone and I know my friends have too so it's like getting to know my friends all over again. But that's going really well and it's been great catching up with everyone.

However, in the past four years I made some fucking awesome friends in Philly and I miss them so so so much. Now I can't only drive to them but I'm not even in the same fucking time zone. It's just difficult. I made the best fucking friends in Philly I CAN.NOT.EVEN

And sometimes it's like really shitty. I have luckily only broken down crying twice at home alone and once at a meeting. I just wish I could have brought all of my friends here with me.

Honestly- Because I haven't been writing a lot lately it's hard to harness what I really want to say about life right now.

Colorado is definitely my next chapter, only time will tell how long I will actually be here and what the future has in store for me.

I think back to three years ago when I was living in my first apartment in Philly, and really my first apartment on my own again. Moving into that apartment I didn't know what was in store for me. I pray and hope I am not in for as much heartache and pain that year brought me. It was a whirlwind.
Life still is a whirlwind but because of all the craziness that has happened in the past few years, this year has been smooth sailing.

Colorado, let's see what you have to offer.