Casual Dating.

So, I have entered the dating world. I now am a casual dater.
Up until a couple of months ago, dating was unfathomable  to me. I thought it was just something I would never do. Then I was like... fuck it.
And I've entered a new stage in life.
Casual Dating.

So yes. This is all new to me. But if nothing else, it is truly fascinating. I am learning so much.

I guess there a lot of rules and guide lines? I've picked up my own along the way, and as any new person to dating will tell you, your friends who do, OR DON'T, date... will have a lot of advice.





So let's go over a few bullet points, 
here are tips I have either come up with throughout this process or tips directly from my friends:

- one date does not mean you will ever see that person again
Which honestly was a revelation to me. All of the relationships I have had, intimate or not, have been pretty long lasting. So to realize you might have dinner or coffee with someone and never see them again was a shocking concept to me.

-if you know you don't like the guy but are looking to get laid, sleep with him right away and he won't really call ever again so you won't really have to deal with him ever again
-- on the reverse if you do like them, "wait for three dates
- If you do like him don't sleep with him on the first date, and some say wait until the third date. And trusted sources say wait a month in order to see if you really like them.

- Some say if you really like them don't kiss on the first date

- If you do plan on kissing, don't wear lipstick.

- dinner is a bigger deal than coffee or drinks.

- "only bring enough money in your wallet for a taxi cab home."

- "Never ever take someone home you meet in a casino in Nevada... and I mean like the middle of nowhere Nevada"

- Just because they buy you food, doesn't mean you owe them anything.

- "No real estate agents, actors or models" and no actors/models, obviously.

- Men are hunters, they enjoy a chase, don't give everything away right away. Make them hunt and chase a bit or they get bored.

- "go to a restaurant with low lighting." *Italian restaurants are key*

- Date foods are tricky. Be careful. Absolutely no spaghetti or garlic.

- "Always wear a bra"

- If you ask someone out, you should pay, if they ask, they pay


- "trust your instincts"

- Make your own rules but listen to what your friends have to say

While collecting dating tips from my friends I also got some interesting relationship advice that I shall pass along as some extra tidbits of advice:

"I never regain trust so fuckin leave when it happens the first time ... But idk if that's just me "

"If he doesn't text or call or initiate hangouts? He's just not that into you."

"It's a marathon not a race, Gab."

... Ok. 

"If you have any suspicions or feel something in your gut- don't be afraid to investigate. Or just ask the person"

"Don't go through someone's phone, some things aren't meant to be known."

 

"Don't put up with bullshit, because if they give you shit in the beginning, they will forever"

"Fuck love. Everyone lies to you." 

"You can't change people. Don't try to."

Tinder Tip of the Week:

If you don't know this by now, I will let you in on a little secret, I like social experiments. I like seeing how different people react in the same situation. I also hangout with a lot of dudes, and I've heard them talk about tinder and I've also asked them about tinder. My conclusion, men are on tinder to get laid. Which we all already knew, let's be real, but I think it's all time we stop looking for love on tinder because that's not what the men are using it for. And of course they are exceptions to every rule, but this is what I have concluded from my research.

I hope this week's relationship advice was helpful, from the most unsuccessful dater out there.

loljk but you know, dating is fun! So have fun! #livelaughlove #blessed #swiperight

Dealing With Crazy.

Sometimes, life gets crazy.
And then it gets crazier.
And then when you think you're at the maximum capacity, it gets just a little bit more insane.

If I were have gone to a psychic, this time last year and she told me, verbatim, how this year was going to go I would have laughed and shit my pants at the same time. There was no way to predict how the past 12 months have gone.

I have thought that the past year has been crazy, but the past few weeks have been a concentrated nuttiness.

I've had a lot of people yell at me, I've yelled at a lot of people, I've had dumb things happen and I've done dumb things. I've had some realizations and I've been reprioritizing my life.

And then the worst thing happened... my dog died.

I've been fearing losing one of my boxers for a little while now and it happen, as I suspected, at a horrible time very unexpectedly.

My puppy Jasper was only 6 years old, when he passed away this week. He was having trouble walking the week earlier and when my mom took him to the doctor, they thought it was something wrong with his hips and legs. Throughout the week he got progressively worse and by the weekend he couldn't walk at all so we took him to the doggie ER.
I am very thankful I happened to be home this weekend when we took him to the hospital. I haven't been home in a couple of weeks, which I am sad about because I didn't get to see him a whole lot in the past month, but by the grace of God, I was there to help take him to the ER and be there for my mom who has been there all day.

The ode to Jasper is soon to come.

* Let me just say right now, this post has been sitting in my drafts. I have been waiting until I have a chance to sit down and write to finish it but I have been brainstorming in my head. At one point I was going to write about rainbows...

After certain storms, there are rainbows. A silver lining. And things get better. That is what I thought until now...

Let me also say this, I have the worst luck. Please restrain me if I ever tell you I am going to a casino because I will lose it all on a glitter cat slot machine. I have shit for luck.

Things aren't getting better. But maybe, alas I say it again, MAYBE ITS LIFE.  As we get older our problems get more insane and serious then they did when we were five and got upset about taking a turn on the swings.

But you see the thing with me, is I create a lot of problems. Not on purpose, I don't go out and say, "yes. Today I will make sure is total Mayhem."
But I don't avoid trouble.

I am an alcoholic and I want chaos. It stimulates me. If I see trouble I go towards it. And as an alcoholic in recovery, I know there is a solution.  I know there are things I can do to get rid of that turmoil. But currently, I am not taking steps in that direction. I am heading towards trouble too much.

I'm scared. Im scared of a life of content. I'm scared because it is unknown to me. Crazy is what I know and what I'm good at.
But I'm also ready. And I have begun to do what I need to do to head towards a positive direction. Less crazy.

I still need to keep working and striving for this but even just having the realization that things are not just happening to me but I am causing them to happen is helpful. And luckily I am not trying to get sober. I have not had a relapse or drank. I do need more sober things in my life however.

I need to stop going out to where the party is constantly and worry less about them and more about me.

I wrote before how I find good people. I have good energy and I am not afraid of that.

Good things are on the horizon. I know it.
My best friend is about to have a baby. If that is not a miracle I don't know what is.

At this point it's about managing crazy. I am at a point in my life where crazy things will continue to happen, growing up is crazy. But I have tools to stay calm.

My initial response to chaos is panic because I am constantly in a state of panic and when shit hits the fan I get to go full pyscho. But I can't do that anymore.

And just like I couldn't predict this year, I can't predict what's coming next. I don't know if life will calm down, or get more intense. I'm thinking the ladder. I still have so much living to do. I have no crystal ball reader to tell me what to prepare for.

But I do have crystals that I have acquired this year, literally and figuratively.

I've started to find out that life is less about figuring out what's it all about and more about action. Yes, you can get to the root of problems but if you just sit and stew on them you get no where. Life is about one foot in front of the other. There are trips, stumbles and falls along the way. But you can't quit every time you fall. In fact you can't quit at all. And you certainly can't stand still because, you won't get anywhere.