So this past year was really fucking weird and am I gonna blame not writing on my blog in such a long time on a global pandemic that should have allowed me more time to dedicate to this? Yes, yes I am.
Truth is I have certainly had time but the creativity has been a lot harder during these weird times. And the stress... WOW. It's been a lot of ups and downs. I know it has for all of us. People have had to deal with things they never have had to before or never even thought they would have to.
Just to catch you up incase you were living under a rock- after that the pandemic spiked and we all were either panicking or ignoring state orders and partying, then trump got voted out but said he won the election, then he indirectly told a mob to attack the capitol- in DC, yes- they did and police basically let them, finally Biden was inaugurated, Trump is now facing legal battles but don't really know where he's at, we have a vaccine but it's hard to get, were in 2021- a lot of people thought that this meant things would go back to normal... things did not. So we are now just in the days of days.
There honestly is no such thing as a new normal, things are just still weird. I don't like getting very close to people in public, but I guess that is normal... People where masks and to me that's still not normal.
It's been confusing and there have been a lot of moments I have been quite literally dumbfounded saying "what the fuck". Usually around 1-3am I have a cigarette and I still think on ok, this is all still happening... remember to breath.
The truth is this has all been a very short amount of time with a lot of crazy things that have happened. Astrologically there is a lot going on, this might have been the year that the Mayans were actually referring to when they said shit would hit the fan, it's just been a lot, for sure. We have had to examine aspects of our lives that otherwise seemed mundane or routine and see where we have taken things for granted.
This is what it has been like on a global scale. Let's look at a more personal scale.
Since we last spoke I turned 30 and got through another new year- which is always a time of reflection for me, got my fucking dream job and I'm killing it because I am so happy with work, still in that relationship I was last year and love my partner so much, and I made it through the holidays with my family smoothly. I guess you could say I'm really becoming an adult?............even though I look like I'm 12 and act like it a lot too.
Which, to be honest, is why this blog has gotten on the back burner in my life a lot. I still write a lot but my outlets have changed. I really want to start a new project or a podcast but I have been dragging my feet on this. Speaking of...
New Years Resolutions:
1. take better care of my car.
2. put my projects into action and off of the back burner.
3. be the best employee I possibly can.
If you were reading through this blog front to back the change you would see from the writing to the person I am today has changed so much. I went from someone who was so utterly hopeless to someone who is just brimming with gratitude. Even on my worst days now I still look around and am so happy with my life. I wish I could back to when I was 20 and tell that girl it rally was all going to be ok. Although, I wouldn't have believed even myself.
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| keep your head up little one |
Turning 30 really made me think about what my life has become and all the things I have learned. Definitely one of those biggest things is, "it's not easy". Having your dreams come true isn't easy and I'm honestly sorry for the people that it is easy for. Life was made to experience suffering. In the wise words of my mother, "It's not how you fall down, it's how you get back up." And I think we have all had to deal with this reality in 2020-2021. This year has been truly crazy and it has given the word perspective a new sense of perspective. We have lost people from our lives in different ways from the normality that they remained there to some a completely emptied space.
We have realized the things we can and can not live without and how truly important toilet paper is to this nation. People have lost their jobs and others have gained new jobs. complete industries, that no one ever imagined would fail, have floundered. There has been a sense of the entire nation, maybe planet, just trying to keep it's head above water.
But again, personally I have realized time is fleeting. I remember when I was a kid and I couldn't wait to drive a car and have a license. It felt like I would never get there, now I have been driving for longer than it took to get my license. I remember entering high school and thinking it was going to take forever to get out of there, flash forward and I'm at college. I feel like sometimes I am just really blinking my life away. This has however given me a lot more opportunity to live in the now. To seize the day but at the same time not fear the future as much.
I have not stopped writing during all of this time. I did write something when I turned 30 that I am proud of that I will share soon. Around when you turn 30 you do experience your Saturn Return:
The Saturn returns is when the plant Saturn comes back to meet your natal Saturn. It takes about 29.5 years for Saturn to return to where it was when you were born. The Saturn return hits in the late 20s and its impact is felt into the early 30s. It's when you find your purpose and can be a really transformative time which can be really difficult.
Some parts of life suck but I am going to tell you this and it is relevant to whoever, wherever: This is the only moment you need to worry about. Not yesterday or tomorrow. Just right now. You're not late for anything. You aren't going to miss anything,. You are exactly where you are suppose to be and you are exactly who you are supposed to be. You absolutely perfect and enough and whatever happen today is supposed to happen because you can handle it, grow from it and learn from it. Strive for progress not perfection. Decide right now not to live in fear and to live life.
