Feeling Almost 25.

Sitting on a bus to New York, reading just kids, listening to the classic Led Zeppelin II, in my overalls and red hot chili peppers shirt, from my youthful days of concerts with parents, where the smell of weed was something of curiosity rather than familiarity. It is times like this when I really know who I am. This is me and I am so happy with who I am. 

Recently, I've heard it said that, "these are the best times of your life." [your 20s]
We've heard this throughout our lives. High school is suppose to be exciting, then college is anxiously awaited. But I was never really told about my 20s....
If you had told me that my 20s were going to be the time of my life two years ago... I probably would have cried hysterically because of how miserable I was, but now... I do feel like it.

College was the beginning of the best years of my life.  It was an eye opening time. A time to learn about life, to be young and dumb and try and begin to figure myself out.

side note- high school... No. Nope, definitely not the best years of my life. Closet depression was in full swing and although I appeared to the public very happy I most definitely was not. Nothing in life made any sense. 

"If I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life, remind me to kill myself." Yup. Well said Floyd. 

My early twenties were a mismatch of good times and terrible, terrible bad times. And although my experience is unique, I feel this happens to all of us. We have our early twenties crisis. For some people it happens earlier and others later. Luckily for me it happened pretty early.  

I went through the what the fuck period. What the fuck is my twenties ? What the fuck am I doing with my life ? What the fuck is life ?

I pondered all of this and I figured some shit out. Mostly I figured out... this is it baby! This is the time to live life. I am totally an adult. I can drive to New York at 10pm at night from New Jersey and not tell my mother. Which, of course, I could do at a younger age but now it's like I have full responsibility for my life and my actions. I go to jail, I deal with it. My parents still pay for a few things here and there and I'm super greatful- which is something else I've figured out too- be grateful- but ultimately I'm making my own decisions. 

And I'm not really lost anymore. 

Which is pretty fucking cool to say.
I don't know the future, contrary to my own previous beliefs, I'm not psychic-although I do have good intuition. I know what I want. I know who I am and who I want to be. 

And goddamn, it this is the time! Like early twenties sucked but 25-29 is gonna be bitching! I'm dating men, I can tell a man from a boy. I'm traveling. I'm working towards my career. I know my city like the back of my hand and I know where my next city will be. 

I don't know about you Taylor swift... but I'm feeling almost 25. 

And just for a minute I want to touch on something to all my ladies- stop spending this time searching for a husband, if that is what you are doing, Stop doing THAT! f you happened to have stumbled upon on that is so great and I am so happy for you, but what I'm trying to say is capitalize on this time. Be present in the moment and don't get ahead of yourself, not right now. 

One day (if what you want is to be married) that will happen and you will be changing diapers and you will be wanting to murder your significant other and you will be thinking WHAT HAPPENED TO MY YOUTH?! And you will look in the mirror and be like I'm so old!! WAH. 

Put yourself in that right now.

Picture yourself ten years from now.

30something...

Wishing you were 20something ... 

Now come back to reality.
You are here now. Make the most of your life and you're time YOUNG AND FREE. 

I'm not saying don't fall in love or hide from love, absolutely love! That is part of life... But stop worrying about what is suppose to be and JUST BE. 

And to all of those mommies and daddies out there, cherish your time with your littles as much as you can because they are the young ones and before you know it they will be large and definitely in charger so squish them and keep them young, but please don't spoil them... Too much. 

So, yabbers, enjoy life today. For it is a gift that is why we call it the present.

Knock On Wood

Change is hard for me but it is also something I love to write about.

I love this time. The time where you know nothing about what is about to happen. Which I guess you could say is everyday but right now I'm speaking about my pretransition period.

My lease is up in July and I'm moving to south philly! I don't know where yet

I start a new job at the end of July ! But I don't know what it will be like.

I am single single single and I don't know who is in store for me next.

So many I don't knows. I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

This year has been too much. Too too much. TOO MUCH

. but has prepared me beyond measure for what is to come next. I feel good about what is to come. I do.

I feel like a lot of doors have closed and I am ready to open new ones up. Things are going to be good I can feel it.

You know what?

PSA:

It's not about trying to figure out the meaning of life, it's about figuring out how to live life. If you focus on finding meaning without doing the motions, you're missing the point. It's about the emotions. 

And this blog is about emotions. I guess I have a lot of emotions.... 

And a little baby has been born! 

How could you look at that face and say good things are not coming ?

Everyday new life comes into this world. Things come and things go. 

Life isn't going to get easier but I am now more equipped than ever to handle what the future has in store. 

And let's be honest, who doesn't love summer and a good tan? 

Knock on wood, good vibes only.