I tried it out before and I didn't like it.
Now, I see that it's incredibly important to my life.All alcohol has brought to me is negativity. Which is why I need to stay away from it. I get that.
Some people just can not drink. It's part of their make up, my make up.
Acceptance is not so much difficult for me, more so scary.
I miss making friends.
I told my friend, @simplemeghan, the other day, "the thing is... I'm really weird."
"That's a weird thing to say about yourself, Gab."
I'm not really good at making friends, sober- Drunk, it comes natural.
Social situations, sober, kinda freak me out.
I over think, like a lot.
I don't think I'll know what to say. I think people judge me, because I judge others pretty harshly. It's not something I do on purpose. I just do.
I use to go to parties and know everyone by the end. Now, I just don't really go out, like at all.
I'm also not in my comfort zone anymore. I miss my Burlington.
I knew a lot of people, and met new people all the time.
Now, I just don't know what to do.
Will I ever get to go out again? With who?
Do I even want to?
Being in recovery is an everyday process. I long for tomorrow.
For all of this to be over, to go back to sleep.
I can relate to this all too well. I used alcohol + drugs to feel like I could relate to people and without it I've become incredibly isolated and socially disabled, and when I DO manage to get out, I'm self-conscious and paranoid. No fun. It's been six months and I'm still struggling with it.
ReplyDeleteBUT!- what you're doing is so great for yourself. You gotta think of it like that: it's for you, it's important to you, it's helping Y.O.U. So do you, lady! It's difficult now, and it feels lonesome, but in the long run it's doing a helluva lot of good for your body and mind. Best of luck, and if you ever need to talk to somebody I've got an ear! (Two, actually.)