Just one shot. Of honesty, please.

So a lot of the time I write in my head. I compose pages that half the time don't make it to the page. I tried to capture this but it's not super eloquent.

It's not for anyone particularly, although it definitely might seem like it is. And maybe it is. 

I hope you like it. If you don't refer to the blog title.

Can we talk? Just for a minute. 

Let’s go into another room, or just the empty side of the bar.

I don’t really want to talk, honestly. I want a shot. From you.

This is really hard for me. 

I just want to touch your face. I miss your embrace, holding hands.

Being friends. Not enemies.

Lying next to each other in my bed, watching TV or some stupid movie, anything so you could get close to me. 

This sounds lame...

The first time I said this in my head, it was right, but when I try to write it’s not the same.

I miss being your friend. Everything changed when I came to your bed. We don’t even talk anymore, not friends. All communication has come to an end. 

I don’t want to talk honestly. I want a shot. I need the warmth. 

Bartender, please.

I need to be real. 

I want to hold your hand. Touch your face, be your friend. 

I said all that already... 

I miss our familiarity. 

Cause not talking to you kills a piece of me. The happiest piece. 

I feel so awkward these days, not just around you. Losing you has consumed me. Nothing it easy. Your were so much a part of me, without even knowing it. 

And now your gone.

I need a shot. 

Whiskey. 

I’ll make more sense then.

Otherwise, it’s pretend. 

~shot received.

Darling please, come back to me. Let me be your favorite girl-that's-a-friend. 

Nothing more. 

I’ll put my feelings away, to be your pal again. To play around, to laugh and pretend. 

I love you so much. I care for you. I always have and always will. 

You’ll always mean the world to me. Even when you’ve thrown me away, it seems...

One more whiskey, please. 

My speech may slur, but my doubt is gone. I swear I’ll leave my clothes on. 

Can we laugh? Can we joke? 

How bout a line of coke? To far?

Nows your turn. Talk to me. Cause honestly it’s killing me. 

I want to know. 

Wait. 

One more shot. 

Ok, I’m good. I’m perfect now. 

So tell me all...   

Do you think we had a rise and fall? Is it my fault it all came to an end? 

When the kissing started did the friendship end? Did I judge you wrong as my best friend. 

I feel like it’s all my fault we can’t laugh. 

None of this is a joke. 

I was serious about the coke. 

Please laugh with me. Don’t set me up to fail. 

I just told you I loved you, not like you didn't know.

 Do you at all feel the same? 

Ok

So here’s the deal, I’m leaving the door open and walking away. 

Put me in your pocket for a rainy day. Love me forever, if only in the back of your mind. Even it’s just because I said you had to in my pathetic rhyme. 

Take my love and grow. Go on to new places. Seriously go. 

Don’t forget me darling. Remember my name, my face, my heart.

Mr Bartender. Last shot please. 

This one’s just for me. 

 

xoxo. G.