You Can Do Anything For a Year

ur hiii....

Well this is certainly one of the longest hiatus I have ever taken from posting and actually writing in itself.

I've had a lot going on. A lot. alotalot. A lot of transitions.

But today marks my 1 year journey to Colorado and when anniversary's come up it's easy for me to reflect and write. *August 1st- when I started writing this *eye roll*

This past year has been a whirlwind, not necessarily more than the past couple of years, just another tornado.
I think once you hit 21 your years turn into long journeys. Each year marks a triumph over the last roller coaster.
Although I do remember when I hit puberty my mom literally telling me that my emotions were going to "become a roller coaster ride" so maybe it's just been since then....

And now I'm 27 and have entered my late 20s but I'm still in denial about that one so we are not going to touch on that tonight.

Living in Colorado has taught me a lot of things and changed me in many ways.

First and foremost I have learned you can do anything for a year. I think that has really been my mantra.
This year has been extremely challenging. But like honestly what year hasn't in the past... I don't know... ten years...? I have dealt with a lot of very difficult work place struggles, from co-workers to supervisors. It's been a very challenging year overall.

I also did this thing where I decided to move somewhere without doing any research and ended up hating where I lived.... I don't recommend that. If you're planning on moving somewhere spontaneously do the fucking research. Don't just assume that because it's Colorado it's going to be beautiful because Colorado boarders Kanas and you could be closer to Witchata then you are some mountains... fml.
smh.

When I first moved to Greeley several people, in the fucking town, said to me "I hate Greeley". Which of course I have heard people say about Philadelphia but the tenacity these people said this definitely worried me.
I can now fully and whole heartedly say, "I too hate Greeley."

It's just not for me. There are definitely people who love Greeley with all their heart but it is nothing I would ever want in a town or a life. But you can do anything for a year.

However,  I will say the adjustment back to my normal life has been a bit draining. I went from Greeley life working Mon-Fri from about 12pm- 5pm, staying up til about 2am every night and having little to no social interaction during the week. Life at about 5mphs. Then driving to Denver for the entire weekend and coming back to my sleepy town Sunday.
It was relaxing... I guess... it was more so just fucking boring.

NOW, I wake up at 6am for work I don't get home til 6:30pm and I'm usually doing something during the evening. So we are up to about...oh 300mphs. I have two jobs, one full time, one babysitting part time.

But you know what, I like to work. That doesn't mean I don't feel like I'm jet lagged with the sleeping schedule and I'm not 1000x more stressed out. But like I'm fucking living my life again thank God.

Maybe sometimes you need to slow down. I think a lot of the times we need to stop and slow down, but a year was a little long.... you can do anything for a year. 

You can find growth when you see no room to grow. You can expand and keep going... onwards and upwards. You can find the positives. You can look for lessons. You can cry. You can get through it. 

You definitely could have written more blog posts Yab... but of course, I work better under pressure.

The year before last [2015] I was incredibly depressed. Like taking hot showers every night and sinking to the bottom of the shower crying my eyes out... almost every night I kid you not. On anti-depressants. I lost a best friend to heroin and two dogs in less than a year. I had a job I hated. I learned I hated Philadelphia and I decided to leave.

But I had no idea what this would entail.

Well, turns out I am much more suited for Colorado. Problem: my best friend and family are still in Philly. So now I am plotting ways to pull them all out here permanently so I don't have to go back.

Besides my work place struggles, the hardest thing I have dealt with this past year is not knowing where I belong.

Moving to Colorado I have realized, although I will always be from Philadelphia, it's not really where I belong. But where do I belong? I don't even know if it's Colorado. Constantly I was, and am, dealing with an existential crisis' to the point where I had to enlist a new therapist out here because I felt so out of place. In the words of [the old] Taylor Swift circa 2006, "I'm just a girl tryna find a place in this world".

I fucking started listening to country music this year and I tell people I like bluegrass when they ask me what I listen to. Like who the fuck am I?

Greeley made me really question what the fuck I was doing with my life, daily, for multiple reasons.

However, right now, September 13th 2017, I can say I am stressed out about my life but also I am starting to take things as they come for the first time in a long time. I think having less time to worry about what the fuck I am doing and rather just being super busy and living my life, it is easier to just roll with it.

I guess, in retrospect Greeley was a huge lesson. Duh, obviously Gab. Or maybe it was a gift. A gift of a break. I know I said earlier in this post last year was horrible but it really wasn't. It was just super slow.

I know this post isn't really that juicy or full of life lessons but I trying to play catch up.
It's like when you don't see your therapist for a while and you have to tell them all the dumb bullshit in your life and you can't dig deep.

Well I promise you this Yabbers... I am back to writing.

It's been a long period of trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in my life. I can't even believe this summer is over. I can't believe I am 27. I feel like my whole fucking life is flashing before my eyes. I guess that's the existential crisis I am dealing with now. It's not that I feel so old I just feel like before I know it I'm going to be fucking old.

Jeez Yabers I have so many things to tell you but it is oh so past my bed time. I hope you accept my sincere apology (this is mostly to myself) for not writing in so long. But ttyl xoxo

And remember..
You can do anything for a year. 

ALSO Listen to this