So I Left...

I feel like my blog has become a whiny teenage diary...I guess that's what it always was anyway. aaayolo.

Moving away from Philly has been really hard. I didn't leave Philadelphia because I hated it. I wasn't pushed out because I was uncomfortable. I didn't leave because I wanted to. I left because I had to. I had to for myself.

I am a really selfless person. I am comfortable saying that because other people have told me it's true. I was in AmeriCorps for 3 years... Yes I was finding myself but I also feel in love with helping other people. I am not boosting or trying to brag. I am by no means a martyr but I am an empath and I deeply care about other people. In fact sometimes, a lot of the time, I take on other people's problems. This can definitely get in the way of my own life and sacrifice my own happiness.

Leaving Philadelphia was a selfish thing I did for me. Sometimes it's important to be selfish. You have to put yourself first once in a while-- I actually have to constantly be reminded of this.

Self-care is really important. It's hard not to take home the work struggles I encounter. In all lines of work you should really be taking care of yourself to not burn out, but especially working with at-risk youth. On top of it I work a lot of 9+ hour days and when I come home I have to take care of me. Oh and I have two jobs. One full time and one part time.

I have really been struggling with this. Moving from Greeley to Denver has been tough with the change of pace, but moving from Pennsylvania to Colorado has been a lot to deal with this past year. It's  made me question a lot of things.

Life has still continued to turn in Philly, surprisingly enough... Life continues on whether I am there or not. I have had to deal with a lot of shit happening home while I have been miles away.

And of course the grass is always greener on the other side...

Right now I wish I was in Philly but if I was there I probably would not be happy.

I left Philadelphia because I saw people never leave. I couldn't talk shit on people spending their whole existence in Philly when I was doing the same thing... So I left.

I took a leap. I pulled the trigger. I actually did it. And you know what? I don't know when I will be back.

It took me over 20 years to fit in in Philly. It took me less than 10 months to find a life in Colorado.

I go home almost once a month now and it's really hard. It's like constantly getting back together with an ex. I see all the good things and not the bad. I start to romanticize. The reality of the situation is I would not be happy or satisfied there. It's not my city anymore. It will always be home but I don't belong there right now.  Taking a risk sometimes involves feeling things you don't anticipate. Part of experiencing life is living and feeling all of it. Pain included.

It's really hard to say I don't know when I'll be back because there are people I love in that city. I wish I could transport them here. The fact is I am here and they are there. That is the now.

I get why people don't leave though. It's comfortable being comfortable and it's easy to feel content. Maybe it's my constant alcoholic need for chaos that has kept me searching for the next big thing. But I could see how you could be happy with being happy. I do envy that sometimes. I however, need to be constantly challenged and pushed to grow. So for me that meant leaving Philly.

My entire life I went back and forth between two house holds. My parents were divorced since I was two years old and whenever I would fully feel at home somewhere I would be told it was time to go to my other house. Fitting in has always been really difficult because I have never fully felt like I belonged.

The first time I felt like I actually belonged somewhere was summer camp. It was the most consistent and unabridged place that felt like home. It was my happy place and I ruined it by getting kicked out for drinking= first true depression; enter Burlington, VT.

Burlington, VT felt more like home than camp even did. I was ripped away from Burlington due to my drinking. Welcome my sobriety date of March 20th 2012. Losing Burlington was one of the hardest losses I have experienced in my life because I lost my sense of belonging. I've never felt so misplaced. There comes a point when you just need to stop losing everything. Saying the words "rock bottom" is completely different than feeling like you've actually lost and ruined everything. Literally everything. And for me that meant the home I was always searching for.

So when I moved back to Philly and I got a "new way of life" I made it my own. But because of my weighted history of fucking hating Philadelphia it was like a lover I never fully let into my life.

So I left...
My version of not staying in Philadelphia and your reasoning for never leaving are probably very different. And you know what, I know a ton of people who never left Burlington and it's the same situation. Although losing that "home" was such an incredibly trying experience, I am grateful I did not get stuck there and become resentful and bitter.

Right now I fucking hate not being in Philadelphia. I want so badly to be in two places at once moving with both spinning parts. Not coming and going while one goes on and so does the other.

I said in my last post I have never been in love and that's really not true because I have friends I love so much and wish I could be with all the time. So maybe I have experienced love on another level that some people will never understand.

For me friendships aren't going out, partying, taking pictures... It's being honest and telling the truth. If I am mean to you I probably really fucking care about you. Honesty is the foundation to any relationship.

I just sometimes look at my life and say WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING.... LIKE CONSTANTLY. 

I don't think I am the center of any universe except my own. And I really need to stop making other peoples problems burdens on my own life. I need to learn to just fucking let go. I just wish I could freeze time and be everywhere I want to be at once. However, all I can do is take care of myself, try and lend a helping hand to others, and hope they do what's best.

I love the life I live and am so happy. I just miss my friends and family that I love so much. I am so grateful to have a support system like I do.

Sometimes I miss the value of gratuity but I can truly say, even though I am super emotional and moody right now, I am so incredibly #blessed for the people that are in my life. I am the luckiest girl to have the people I do.

Also you want to talk about whiny-- I have been listening to Sarah McLaughlin this whole blog post so add that as your background soundtrack.

But I recommend you listen to this instead

Onwards and upwards we go Yabbers...<3 nbsp="" p="">

Getting Sober in Your 20s

So I missed Christmas 2016 with you all, I missed being able to write a new years blog, I've missed months of writing.

Now the only reason I am writing is because I am killing time at a coffee shop. When you're trying to waste time you really find out the things you need to get done...

Of course I have had things to write about, but honestly the truth is I have been sucked so far into the television I hardly use my laptop anymore unless I am on the move.

But writing a good blog takes concentration and time, both of which I have at the current moment luckily....

My friend was getting rid of his TV a couple of months ago and was literally like, "Do you want this? Just take it." It's massive, like the biggest TV I have ever personally owned and it has fully engulfed me into the world of netflix and reality television. I have ADD so having a massive TV in my room all to myself is really limiting to the rest of my work life. Like I have a necessary fidget cube in my hand right now.

But I guess- touching on New Years 2017- I will right now, this very second, make a resolution to turn off my TV for at least one day a week. Hopefully dedicating more time to my true passion, this blog. My friend also suggested dedicating 20 mins or a half hr to writing and then turning on the TV, which seems like it would work v well, so let's give that a whirl!

The thing about TV and movies is, although they are great and all, surprise surprise, they take you out of reality. And the thing about me and this blog is that this is much more than writing to me, this is one of the many ways I work things out in my life. I am grateful for all the views I get on my writing but it is honestly more cathartic for me. It's not only getting thoughts on to the page but it's also making them public knowledge so nothing is left in me to stir and stew.

So what's going on with me right now...

Welp by the time anyone reads this I will have 5 years of sobriety. Which really just makes me feel old. I kid, this is a huge accomplishment for me. I think my last real milestone with my recovery was 1 year and that was 4 years ago...

Damn.

I was telling someone the other day, a lot of people have said to me, "Oh you are so lucky to have gotten sober so young."

Honestly, not really... I am lucky to have gone to my first AA meeting at 18 and given up drinking by 21? Umm no sir or mam that is not luck, that is survival. You don't hear about "young drunks" becoming "old drunks". You hear about them dying.

I am lucky enough to have had a white light moment where I could see clearly for about 2.5seconds and realized that yes I am an alcoholic, but also alcoholism would kill me if I didn't stop drinking.

And honestly, I don't care if I'm that girl who constantly is saying, "It's about life and death" because that's the reality of the situation.

If you have a coke problem and your super functional, all it takes is one bad night to LITERALLY KILL YOU. Same with heroin, molly, and fatal consumption amounts of alcohol.

I am eternally grateful that somewhere along the past five years my thinking changed from needing a drinking to learning how to survive without it. Because for me a glass of wine, or a craft brew is not worth a trip to a psych hospital for the third time, or worse.

But the reality of it is it's a lot easier to moderately drink through your 20s than be sober. I had to grow the fuck up starting at 21. I know 32 years who are not as emotionally mature as I had to be at 24. I had to learn how to skirt around "getting a drink" for a first date. I had to learn how to go on a date for the first time sober. I had to learn how to have two jobs and a ridiculous work week without having a drink on Friday or Saturday.
I am not one to sit at home so I had to learn how to go clubbing and to bars sober. I had to learn when and who to go out with that was safe for me. I learned to travel sober, like I went to Paris and had no champagne. I did have copious amount of meat and cheese to make up for it though.

I had to learn how important it was to actually tell people what was going on with me so I didn't want to kill myself daily, literally and figuratively. I have had my heart broken sober and I didn't drown my sorrows in booze. However, I have never drunk dialed an ex so we can count that as a benefit.

You're fucking 20s are hard enough as it is without not being able to have a drink.

and yes I know, I am only 26. So basically I have only been sober my early 20s but honestly, I don't plan on drinking anytime soon, which means I will probably be sober through my late 20s as well.

But don't get me wrong, there benefits to this life too, quite an abundance of them. At 20, I literally could not see a future for myself. All I was constantly looking to do was get to the next party, whenever wherever. Even if it was a month away, that is what I was looking forward to.

Now, at 26, I constantly am practically pinching myself and saying, "can you believe what your life has become." Even my hardest days sober are better than my worst days drinking.

Moving away from where I got sober and the friends I have made in this new life I have, had has been very fucking hard. I chose to do this. To leave my life and what was comfortable in order to push myself to grow, and as fun as this adventure has been it's been really fucking hard.

Over the past year I have felt incredibly existential so many time. My heart lies in Philly but I long for adventure. I expected to come to Colorado and absolutely love it here but honestly, that hasn't been the case at all. It's made me think so much about who I am and ultimately where my place is in this world. I could have stayed comfortable in Philly and never felt these feelings but I keep pushing myself to grow because that is what recovery is.

Shit has happened to me in the past few years that I honestly never thought I would be able to make it through sober. All of my reservations have been broken. A lot of people will tell you, "just because you get sober doesn't mean it gets easier..." I remember telling myself, "If my dog dies, I will probably have a drink." It was such a steadfast thought. And although having both my dogs die a couple months apart broke me down quite a bit, it didn't even cross my mind to have a drink.

Then when I decided to live with one of my oldest and best friends, and watched her eventually kill herself with drugs, I didn't pick anything up.

If anything these lessons I have learned without using have taught me how to survive and thrive, not broken me down.

I think a lot of people are like, "Oh it would be a fight or flight reaction and you don't know how you would act given the situation" I can honestly say my reaction to life is fight.
And if I get nothing out of being sober 5 years, I can honestly say I am fucking proud of that.

I am proud to be as my therapist puts it, "a badass" for being sober this long and learning to fucking fight through the shit.

Recovery is a battle and you are fighting for your life everyday.

The end of that saying is, "just because you get sober doesn't mean it gets easier... but it does get better". And that I fucking know is true.

I have met some of the most incredible people throughout my recovery and formed incredibly deep relationships. Including meeting my best friend Sam. I don't think I will ever truly connect with another human as strongly as I have with her and I am so lucky to have met her on this road.

So yes, getting sober is your 20s is not fucking easy, but it's definitely been worth it.

Car Crash

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No, that was not the cat. Yes, that was me slamming on the keyboard.

I went to a meeting Wednesday and vented/ranted harrd. The first thing I said was "I am really fucking pissed off and frustrated." I was partly frustrated because I had my hand up the entire meeting and got called on in the last ten minutes. I was ready to walk out of the meeting.


But I'm not really mad. Frustrated yes, definitely, but I can't be mad right now. WELL I CAN, and I was/am but mostly I'm just like...

literally ...

I'm so broken down. I'm tired, bruised (literally- I think I'm have a vitamin deficiency), stressed and just bleh. It's not like I ran into a brick wall, it's like I was going down the right highway to success and a ton of bricks fell on me. And again, and again. And then one more time. Now, I'm hiding under a tree but I'm on this highway and I can't stop moving forward.
That's how I feel.
I also feel like people are just passing the crash like, "hey can I help? Oh I actually have to be somewhere I'll call you later and see if everything went ok. Bye."

Which I understand. We are all on this highway and people have places to go but I would really like if someone just pulled over got out and helped me put my car back together.
But I'm not helpless. I can do this. I can continue to move forward.

What I'm really saying, is I'm dealing with relapses. Not my own. But they are the scariest things I've ever experienced. Watching someone kill themselves and let their lives unravel is so painful.
[insert ALANO meeting here]

It's just so frustrating because I've worked hard to get to almost three years sober. I thought I was past all the tough stuff... WRRRRRONG. This is hard. Staying sober, while watching people get fucked up, is just as hard as it was for me to put everything down. A few weeks ago I broke down mentally. It was a moment where I said to myself, "I need a meeting. Right. Now." So I went to two. It's been hard to bump up my program while working so much, but I really have been trying to. I need to put myself and my sobriety before anything else. Because whatever comes before me being sober, is the first thing I will lose.

I'm also so sad. Even though I want to join in fuck up my life, I think about it and I don't. I want my friends to get better. I don't fucking want them to die or turn there lives to shit. I care about people in general and I really really love these people. I have high standards for people and the people I'm friends with, are really good fucking people. I don't even have the words to fully express how I feel about this because it's so disheartening. I've seen people die from addiction and I don't want these people to die.

horrible. 

I think I need to start over. Take time for myself again. Re-prioritize. See what's going well and what's not. Maybe punch someone in the face. Jk on the last part.

Lemme just say I am thankful I for christmas for a fucking break. I love my students to pieces, but dealing with them in-itself is hard enough.

That is all, goodnight. Wish things were just this simple,

Jake Murray In The Snow

People around Philly seem to really hate winter. A lot of the people I work with are from warmer areas so they really don't seem to like the cold that much. 

It's not that I love the cold or the winter for that matter, but I do not hate it. Winter reminds me of good things. The smell of the cold air, particularly, I love. It reminds me of Vermont and my years there. I'm not constantly taking sniffs of the air in Philly- because that is a dangerous and repulsive game- but every now and again I get a good smell that transports me to BVT.

The first snow fall in 2011.

The fall and winter really make me miss VT in waves. And I certainly know how to deal with the cold. I have three pairs of winter boots and endless coats.

I also love sweater weather. I think the cold suits me well. I do dislike being tan but I think I look good pale, in braids, a beanie and bundled up in a flannel and sweater.

I battle a bit with seasonal depression (who doesn't) and the long dark nights. Having such good reminders of winter really really helps. Plus it's a good time to be emotional. I can curl up in my bed and be cold and write about how I feel.

And listen to lots of Sam Smith

Snow, on the other hand, I love. Yes, it's a cold, but I love it. I think I have probably written about the silence of snow and how calming and beautiful it is. I don't dread the first snow fall, it excites me. And skiing is obviously something I look forward to. When I look at pictures of Vermont, not even my life there, I miss it so fucking much. Life was so simple and beautiful. Even years later I would still go back there and start my life over. Even if none of my friends were in Burlington, I would go back. Maybe one day, but my life is in PHL now. And when I do move out of Philly I think it will be to start somewhere new. But it will be somewhere beautiful. As much as I enjoy living in a city, I think I need nature and seasons that really pop, like vermont foliage. I digress...

It's just funny that most of my friends from my past life in Vermont chase the winter where as my new friends and people around here are trying to avoid it.

I think it says something about Philadelphia. It's really an interesting city. So very very hot in the summer and the winters are pretty brutal. Such a fickle city.

This city drives me a little crazy. I love the things I am doing, now, and my life as of 2014. But every freakin weekend I see someone from high school, or younger. The other day I saw someone in Dunkin Donuts I hadn't seen my grade school days. I'm learning to deal with it though. Take the goods with the bads.

Even the guy I'm seeing right now I never knew in high school at all but easily could have and he knows a bunch of people I knew in high school...
WAIT WHAT YAB YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE?!

Yes, yes, I guess that is a good transition into my love life... So I am seeing someone and I've been seeing him for a few months. I don't have too much to report about it now. It's going well... It's been a bit of roller coaster but so has every other aspect of my life for the past few months. He seems to be one of the good ones, but I'm still figuring him out.

I know I know you want to know more but I don't have a lot to say right now because things are going well I think. One thing I can say is he drinks and I don't. Which was bound to happen with someone eventually and it's a brand new game. It's not what I had been looking for. I was hoping to find someone who didn't drink so it was a non-issue and it's not necessarily an issue right now but it can be frustrating. It makes me feel bad for my friends who had to deal with me drunk, but I've also had to deal with my friends drunk since I've been sober and that is even worse.


Like they say, Karma is a bitch.
And at least, for everyone's sake, Philadelphia is not dealing with Drunk Gab... Because that is a force to be reckoned with...

It's nice to have a somewhat normal thing going with a guy, since my internet dating days and other bizarre things I get myself into.

Ayyy yabbers... Ah to be young.

Well stay warm my loves, in the head and heart.

#groundedbyglitter

The Whirlwind of Life.

The amount of drafts I have sitting in my blogger is pretty exemplative of my life’s current status. 

The past three months have been a whirl wind to say the least and I have had little to no time to get all of my thoughts on to paper. 

The thing is though, it’s more than not being able to write, because I have written. I have had so many fleeting thoughts about everything. I have been waiting to feel concrete about, well, anything.... I will elaborate.

A typical day for me right now is.... Well that is actually difficult because that’s not a real thing for me anymore. Ok, ok, ok I’ll try:

5:30 first alarm, 6:30 I actually wake up

Catch the bus at about 7:05, get to school at around 7:25 

At school from 7:30am- 5pm (or 6pm)

-get emotionally drained from dealing with a class of ill behaved, yet beautiful 7th grade boys (I love and hate them)

Come home between 5:45-6:45pm

- sometimes have things that go until 8, don’t get home until 9pm

Run errands when I get home, between 7-9pm

Eat dinner between 8pm- 10pm

Debrief on the internet or catch up on TV 

And finally drag myself to bed around 11pm-1am 

Wake up, Repeat. 

It’s exhausting. And that’s a typical day. And I’m not complaining, I’m just explaining. 

This is just an example of a Monday.... It’s cool though because the time flies (usually) and so do the days, but they take a toll for sure. For example it’s Wednesday night around 11pm and I started writing this Monday in the afternoon. I seriously do not know where the time goes.. HENCE WHY I HAVE NOT UPDATED MY BLOG IN THREE MONTHS. (Obviously, I apologize)

Let me explain why my thoughts are fleeting: 

My emotions with my students in the Philly public school system is minute to minute. I have a class of seventh grade boys I follow around all day... This would drive anyones emotions into a frenzy. 

I love my boys so much. They are so amazing. I am learning so much about life from them. They see life in such a different way than I do. 

Today the boys in my school played this song and it really effected me,

They rapped along (knowing all the words) with such gusto. It wasn’t even that they just memorized some rap song, like no not at all. They were filled with passion, it’s like they knew what this guy was saying. 

I, of course... The white girl from the suburbs..., had never even heard this song before. But I could feel the passion not only from the song but emulating out of these kids. I asked one of the students why they all liked this song and they said, “because it tells a story.” 

It is baffling to me that these kids, in 7th grade, can relate to something like this so easily. And it honestly pains me. 

On the bus, I drive through the neighborhoods that these kids live in and have grown up in. It’s Northeast Philadelphia. I’ve driven through these areas in the past but I never had a face to anyone that lived in any of these homes. 

I just want to help them as much as possible. I want to show them that jail should never be an option because they are all so much better than that. I want them to get out of where they came from and live up to the potential that they all have. I want soo much for them. It’s honestly overwhelming. I try not to think about it too much because otherwise I start crying. 

But aside from all that seriousness... Sometimes I want to actually kill them. FOR EXAMPLE, Monday... Oh Monday... We had a substitute. -_- I can not. 

They were totally insane. Running a muck to the highest degree. I kicked two students out. At one point I looked over and a student I work with a lot was laying across two chairs... Just laying down.... I lost it. And by loose it I started laughing and couldn’t hold it back. 

I’ve learned, through these past two months, to really take things with a grain of salt and pick and choose your battles. Life is about bigger things then a student laying across two chairs like a monkey... 

So it's like a constant wanting to kill them or want to hug them into oblivion.

Aside from school... 

Shit’s just constantly nuts... If it’s not this it’s that... 

I had to take four personal days because of this... Someone please tell me what my life is...?

There have been so many things unrelated to school since July that I can’t even remember. Roommate shit, friend shit, family shit, shit, shit, and poop- which is shit. 

But like that’s the things it’s all just shit. 

And maybe this is life. My favorite movie, Love Actually, has this line, “There is always going to be a totally shit time.” And maybe that’s just my life for now and the foreseeable future, or maybe it’s just fucking life. 

I am finally alive again. I am out of my Fuck Yab fucking shit hole of rebuilding... I have gone from negative to positive, from Vermont to home to Philadelphia. Aka college and fantasy life to dose of reality to really living a real life. 
It's a little like this, I have had my mid life crisis already. You who have been reading have seen me through it.
I didn't know where I was going, but I made a plan and I got going. I am now on my way. But the thing is I am just starting to build my foundation for life. I got out of my hole of not knowing what the fuck to do and now I am like ok, it's go time.


This, this real life thing, is what I have been training for for two years. 

And life is fucking hard. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I am so exhausted I can’t even cry so I just say fuck it and order sushi and watch a movie. 

There are so many things I want to put into this blog but I can’t fit all of my emotions from three insane months into one blog post. 

I will make this promise to you yabbers... I am not done writing. I never will be. And I promise I am back. 

I am making a public promise to my readers that my next blog with not have an apology at the beginning because I will stay updated. 

Me promising to you.

Writing for me, to you, whoever you are reading this, is really important to me. It helps me. My life has def been lacking a bit without me making my blog posts AND IT ENDS NOW. 

Like I said before, I am not complaining about anything... I am just explaining.

Something they say a lot in AA is that God does not give you more than you can handle. Although things may seem like a lot there is always a reason you are dealt the cards you have. And you can do it. 

I can do it. I have been doing it. 

I have been happy and 99% healthy, which is good good good for me. Not only have I been happy and healthy but I have been fucking killing it to be honest with you. I am dealing with all of these situations with an air of confidence and grace that I haven’t had before and I am really really proud of myself. 

Things fall into place the way they are suppose to whether you like it or not. 

And things are not perfect right now, but I don’t really think life works that way and I am swimming just fine. 

Oh wow. I haven’t even talked to you about my “love life” at all. Aye, well looks like I am going to need to put up a new post sooner than I thought.... 

#staytuned. 

Also newly obsessed with this, 

(completely unrelated and I hope you enjoy)

Chillan With Princess Lolly

Let me just say, I never thought I would be at this point. Feeling, completely and fully present and fulfilled. 

I have worked very hard to get where I am right now, and life is still a definite struggle but I am so happy with where my life is right now. 

I am feeling so elated that it’s borderline scary. It’s scary because I have felt very very happy before and then my life has turned upside down, inside out, and to shit. 

But this time it’s different. I'm just plain excited about everything.

I am excited about doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, doing my laundry, because it's in MY OWN APARTMENT. No one tells me to do anything, I make the choice to do it and right now I loooove doing it all! 

Don't get me wrong in a month I will fucking hate that I do not have a dishwasher and the fact that my laundry machine is a third of the size of a normal washer. But right now, BRING IT ON. 

All of my hard work is beginning to pay off. All of those times when I have felt that my life was non-repairable and that it would never get to where I wanted it to be is over. This is a huge feat. HUGE. 

It's easy for me to stay in the present currently because things feel surreal and I am just taking life in minute by minute. 

me in my apt lovin life... it's furnished now, don't worry.

I love what I do, and quite frankly, I’m pretty good at it, which is fucking amazing. 

I am a social media coordinator at a non-profit. I've been interning at this organization since January and they really appreciate all that I do. Their feedback on my work as of recently has given me a real sense of purpose. I have found, and am beginning to master, something I'm really good at. 

Last weekend, at a meeting I was called the "social media queen".

Like hello, Gabriella, future #GirlBoss.  

And I have a new program coming up that I am so nervous but so excited about its nuts.

I got accepted into a volunteer program of Greater Philadelphia 2014-2015. 

Basically it's a year of full-time volunteer service, with a living stipend. The point of the program is to reduce the drop out rate in public school systems. There are sites all over the country but I'm going to, obvi, be in Philly. 

Now you see, I'm scared for a couple of different reasons. Mostly I'm a little scared of the Philadelphia Public school systems but I am also going to meet a lot of new people and who knows what that will be like. 

But there are many more reasons as to why I'm excited. 

I know this program will help shape me into a different, and better, human being. A year from now I will have had an amazing experience and my view on life will be entirely different! HOW EXCITING. 

I don’t mean to brag about my life but I’m fucking happy and that in it’s self is a huge feat. 

LISTEN AND DANCE TO THIS

Like besides the fact that I HAVE AN APARTMENT, I love where I live. Walking around my neighborhood and discovering new things is so much fun and entertaining to me. Northern Liberties, or No Libs (as the locals aka me, call it), is so hip and cool and there is so much to do, from going out to cool bars with amaze ball food- weekend flea markets AND amazing coffee shops. Shout out to @oneshotcoffee for providing the most amazing coffee drinks I've ever had. 

And my roommates are literally the best combination possible. 

Stephen, who I love more than most humans, and Samantha Devers, who has been one of my favorite people for years. I haven't seen Sam in like four years and the next time I see her she will moving in to live with me! (she hasn't moved in yet) I AM SO EXCITED. 

Good things are happening, fo sho. 

But of course it is scary. When things are going so well it's just like waiting for something bad to happen.

I guess the best thing I can do is fully and whole heartedly appreciate the good days and be on the defensive for the bad days. 

And I mean that's not to say my life is a game of fucking CandyLand.

Well... maybe it is because there is Gloppy the Molasses Monster and Lord Licorice. 

My gloppy would have to be my constant money issues and Lord Licorice the lingering feeling of anxiety that comes in waves. 

But right now, in my CandyLand life, I'd say I'm chillin Princess Lolly and Gramma Nut. 

So, as Gramma always says, "Let them eat peanut brittle"