Sometimes I Hide in my Shower.

I hope you're ready cause Yab is about to turn the heat up in the kitchen.
I have my period and I fucked up my birth control, so the PMS bitch is amplified x1000.

So, uh... LET'S GET CRACKING SHALL WE?!

I am angry. I am pissed off. I am tired. And I am annoyed as all fucking hell.

At this point in the night however, I have calmed down. So I begin...

Just Kidding, what do you think this is cinder-fucking-ella? No, Yaberiella. UHDUH. 

One quality I feel I have is being a good friend. It's something I have has always posesssed and it may be one of my most redeeming qualities (if I do say so myself). It has brought incredible people into my life. I feel what you give out to the universe, you get back.

I have always had good friends. And I try to be there for people. As much as possible. I feel that is the most important thing for a friendship. Being there. Whether it's on the phone, or showing up.

(I must also *note, I am watching the HBO doc on scientology, so I apologize if this starts to get weird)

But sometimes, Karma doesn't always work in your favor. I've had friends who have turned into frenmies too many times. At this point in my life, I don't do that anymore. I just don't put up with bullshit.
I'm 24. If you want to be my friend, wonderful, I'll gladly accept! If not, goodbye.

And being a friend to me isn't just shooting the shit, it's getting down to the nitty gritty and like I said being there. Supporting each other. If that goes away and fades, buhbye. I honestly have a lot of friends and I don't want frenimes.

Maybe, this is why me and my ex didn't work out. It was pretty physical and the support was seriously lacking. He wasn't there for me. So, I said, "buhbye."

But I will say, the one thing I hate about break ups is losing a person from your life. I like people. I like friends, I hate losing friends, even if that's what has to happen. I've never really kept in contact with someone after a break up. I think it's easier that way, but that's the only way I know.

I had like a really nice weekend and a really rough weekend squished into one.
Like I said, PMS monster is out, so I just don't really feel good.

My mother is probably the only person that knows what I mean, when I call her up and say, "I don't feel good."
The sound of my voice gives away if it's mental or physical.
When I was really, really depressed a couple years back I would have some very bad days.
 And all I would need to say to my mom is, "I don't feel good." And she knew what I meant.

I still have some I-dont-feel-good-days, as we all do.

Today was one of those days. I worked very closely with a student, that I'm barely equipted to handle, I want to drown myself in chocolate, I'm tired and I just don't feel good.

And this makes me feel better because it also is something only me and my mom understand:

These days, one thing that does calm me down, is water.
I don't have... an exactly clean shower, but I find myself sitting in it a lot. When things get too much for me, I sit in my shower and watch the water. Is that weird? I don't care. I don't cry. I don't mope. I just let the water hit me and forget about everything. There is something about water that has always set me free. When I was a kid, and still to this day, I can stay in the ocean for an entire day and not get tired of it. I love water and it calms and chills me the fuck out.

Some of this, 

...some of this. 

Today I sat in my shower while listening to olds school BS.
Such as:

and 

yup. Again, the period-ness.

I know what calms me. And that's what it is, 

water and BS. 

I would really, really like a rainy day. An excuse to post up in my bedroom and not leave. 

I love that it's getting sunny but I also want a day to not feel bad about posting up hard. 

I don't really think this blog was about anything particular, and I can into with more gusto than I came out. But hey, as long as you're not involved in Scientology, everyone is a winner here. 

I started off writing this in a very bad mood, but after eating some wonderfully done chicken, by chef Latona Jr., I am feeling less of a monster. Oh and there was also B&J involved, with a cookie core. If you don't know what I mean by that get with the mother fucking program (*hint: ben and jerrys).

It's baffling and amazing to me what writing does for me. It's not a way to always get a point across, or make total sense and prove the world wrong. But it's just a way to calm my thoughts and make sense of myself. I could compare it to my serenity with water if I was more clever... But it's way past my bed time and I can't.