"Maybe you'll get married, Maybe you won't"

All of the drafts in my blog inbox are political. Rants about Donald Trump and feminism which I will one day delve into but today is not that day. I mean let's be fucking real, that's not what you have come here looking for.

Relationships.
That's what you like to read about you fucking assholes. I don't know why? I am 26 years old writing in a very unprofessional sub par blog and I am absolutely terrible with relationships... so why that is the thing I get the most views on absolutely blows my mind. Like hello, I am a god damn expert on sobriety and finding God but you could all care less about that!
Just kidding, I'm no expert and I have had a number of people reach out to me about getting sober which is fucking incredible.

But I know all of you closet FuckYab readers just want to know how absolutely terrible my dating/ love(?) life is going,

Welp, folks, not fucking good. Ok, I'm a harsh critic and an over exaggerator- it's fine. Honestly, it's not that bad at all. I'm 26 and in the prime of my youth. I'm a 21st century woman. I'm single and I frequently eat my dinner in my bed naked watching reality TV. If you think that's sad sorry I'm not fucking sorry because I find it liberating and empowering so screw you.

I am v happy for all of my friends who are getting married and having babies but that is NOT me or where I want to be. Honestly, that freaks me out. Not the idea of people getting married per say... and I really am honestly so thrilled for all of them. I mean it is about that time... mid to late 20s... people start getting hitched. Tis upon us, winter has come- in the words of John Snow.
Seriously, I have four wedding this year.

but like I am in noooooooo hurry for that life.

I think I use to worry that I was behind in life, but now I'm kinda happy about it. I can not picture myself married with three kids. There are plenty of women (girls?) around the country, my exact age, doing just that...

.
Of course, part of me wants to be in a relationship but like that's it. I don't want to be getting married at all. I fucking love being alone and wandering on my own through life. It would be super cool to have someone to share adventures with but it also feels a little limiting. It's funny because the last guy I was seriously seeing told me, when I decided to DTR (define the relationship), that he "didn't want to get married". Literally exact quote, first thing that came out of his mouth. Like Bitch me neither? Clearly we did not know each other as well as I thought...

I do think it's particularly hard getting into a relationship at this age because a lot of people's minds are on marriage. Guys (and girls) are either desperately trying to settle down or trying to avoid commitment as much as possible.I mean it makes sense because even I am watching all my friends get engaged. A lot of people in their mid20s are scorned I am finding...probably because they've had a great love that didn't work out. If they're great love did work out, welp, they're engaged.  That's just really not on my personal life radar right not however, I am excited to dance at some upcoming weddings.

This is really not the way I saw this blog going, but yeah let's just let it all out Gab... As I do write this all down, and I as I am dwelling on what I was planning on writing about I realize that I am a little behind HAHAHA Maybe that is why you all like to read this shit because it's such a mess.

I haven't even had a functional relationship and I am now writing about how all of my friends are getting engaged....

Well you know what, fuck it.

Because there are people who will read this and relate to never being in a relationship just as there are people reading this close to engagement or already married!

I think it's important to not compare yourself to people and their life journey. I know. I am. doing. exactly. what I am supposed to be doing.

And you know what I retract some of the statements I just made, "STRIKE IT FROM THE RECORD"
Yes, I do think getting into a relationship is really fucking hard right now because it's like where the fuck are you in life? Growing up all of us were on the same page for a while. We went to preschool, then elementary, then middle school, high school, then we were all told to go to college but we all started to grow in different directions.

Some of us finished college, some of us had to leave early, some of us are still in college. Some of us never dated in college, some people are still dating the same person from high school. Some of us found out we were gay, some of us got sober, some people lost key members of their family or best friends and had to deal with death.

And some people graduated college, got a good job and are now getting married. But believe it or not a lot of us started to encounter life after high school and somewhere along the lines things did not go as planned.

So where are we now? Now, we are sort-of-adults living sort-of-adult lives.

All and all it's hard to meet someone who is in the same exact time frame of life as you. When we were growing up it was like, "wow they're cute let's do this." Now there is a whole world of dating to try and see if your timing is anywhere on the same base.  They could be younger, they could be older, they could be exactly the same age, it doesn't really matter as long as you're both on the same page.

Honestly, it's difficult even staying friends with people you grew up with because none of us mature at the same rate. We are like branches on a trees, all stemming from the same place but growing in different directions. We might lean far away from each other and then end up intertwined, or we could stay side by side forever. I can't tell you how many friends I have lost just in the process of growing and it pains me sometimes to not know what they are doing now.

My best friends live all over the country so it's hard to stay in touch and even more challenging to still be able to relate to one another.
It's stressful. It's confusing trying to conceptualize these people I have known my whole life getting married, let alone me even being near that chapter in my life.

I'm just looking to find my first great love.

Or is it?

All in all, I don't think we should compare ourselves to each other anymore and where we are at in life. Because no one is right or wrong. Everyone is exactly where they should be. Even if you feel like shit about where you are- you are where you are supposed to be. You're probably just going through it and it sometimes hurts to grow.
If you end up getting a divorce or breaking up with someone you thought you were going to marry.... You can't regret it. That's what was supposed to happen. No, of course I do not know why, and maybe you will never know why but hopefully that gives you some piece of mind.

Jenna marbles once said, "Don't regret anything because you made the best possible decision you could in that given moment." How can you say shoulda, coulda, woulda? You were there and that is what happened. That's life my friends.

I can't help but think, "What are other people stressing about?" Like I can only truly relate to what I have or am going through. I constantly battle with "why haven't I found someone?" But maybe a girl in South Dakota right now who is my exact age is struggling with "Why the fuck did I get married and have two kids?" You can complain, that is your god given right, but you also have to be grateful.
I have possibility on the horizon for me and small regrets that I live with everyday. But pretty much I got it pretty good.

And truthfully... I don't really like humans that much which is why I think I am still single and deep down... I love just being with meeeeeeeeee
Dear God if someone took that away I don't know what I'd do. There is a small glimpse into my love life but that's not the whole thing so you're gonna have to tune in next week... or like next month....

Sooo... basically you know nothing that is going on in my love life right now and this blog post just turned into a tangent on marriage... Well, I can tell you this much, I don't regret this and I hope no matter what point you are in in your life this helped you in some shape or form.

Don't dwell and regret, just go onwards and upwards Yabbers.

If that doesn't work the song is Everybody's Free to Wear SunScreen by Baz Luhmann 

^click the link