Let me preface this with this-
I have been compiling this for weeks, trying to make this as comprehensive and complete as possible. I will likely do a follow up depending on how well this is received. This is not may most favorite piece, in fact it has been an utter pain in the ass writing this and if you do not enjoy it or take away some valuable info I will fucking chop your balls off and feed them to the girl you have a crush on or pussy kick you. With that, take this as you will.
Ok ladies and gentlemen, this post is for you, so sit back, relax and enjoy.
Normally I write blog posts to clear my head. This post is all data I have collected to deliver to you.
I have been working to compile this information for a while, through research and inquiry.
And well, quite frankly, you're welcome-
Ok so, as I give up on men, you could still totally be trying to find Mr. Right.
Chances are he is on the Internet and looking to swipe right for you!
It's funny because swipe right has become part of our jargon for today, and yes, it was coined by Tinder but let's be real- there are sooo many apps to swipe whichever way you please!
Can love even be found
not on your phone in 2016? I'm holding out for yes, but if you're ready to start-well- inter-app dating, I have a guide for you!
Yab's Internet Dating Guide:
I have tried them all. I have had an internet boyfriend, I have met men from tinder, I have tried new apps, I have had dates from the internet. I have tested it all so you do not have to.
The amount of apps that are out there are actually overwhelming if you look but these are the core four, that I have found:
Tinder
Bumble
Hinge
Happn
Let's start with creepiest first, because that's fun-
Happn: It's basically craigslists missed connections come to life. To be honest this should have been the original dating app because it's genius
OH WAIT IT WAS only it was for gays. Ever heard of Grindr ? Happn is grindr for straight people.
The mile radius is still a little longer than Grindr but it's way way closer than tinder.
How it works: Essentially the app is working all day long and every person you walk by pops up and is saved for you to look at later. It shows you when your crossed paths and where. It's a little freaky especially when using at home alone and it says someone is like a couple yards away... Guess I have some interesting neighbors?
You don't actually swipe in this one which is nice because you don't have to make a split second decision. Every single person pops up and you scroll through. If you like someone you "heart" them. If they heart you too you can chat. You can "x" someone and they disappear. Or you can just browse and not do anything.
If you are really into someone you can send them a "flirt" or some shit, which lets them know you wanna back up on it...
Or like wine and dine that ass, whatever you prefer. Men and woman have equal play in this app.
Cons of this app: It's giving us the same opportunity we have IRL only we can hide behind our phones. If you just walk by someone that's hot FUCKING TELL THEM. Don't wait until you get home to see if it's a match
THIS IS WHAT IS RUINING OUR SOCIETY.
Pros: if I didn't notice you in the street I can still say haaaay
Tinder: Really? You don't know what this is ? Shut up you've slept with atleast two people from this app and it's currently on your phone.
Left swipe.
BUT if you happen to be a tinder virgin, Tinder for Noobs is coming soon.
Bumble: This is my personal favorite app because when you match with someone this cute little thing pops up and you can make it move, it's just too much fun! - completely unrelated to dating...
How it works: Bumble you definitely swipe. Same as tinder, right yes and left no. Only with
Bumble there is only 24hrs to talk to your match and only the girl can start the conversation...
Also guys can do this thing where they extend it an extra 24 hrs if they really want to talk to the girl.
AND you can send pics. Aka if you're looking to sext without switching digits, Bumble's the app for you...you, horn dog, you.
Cons: I just don't always have a witty opening line ?
Pros: No creepy pick up lines out the gate. And dear god, some of the most amazing looking men! Hands down best selection of hot men. That however, seems to fade the more you use it. (They also seem to be dumb...) So like hot men... aka you might not find your should mate on this one... But good luck.
Ok and finally we have-
Hinge: Hinge is like the classiest of dating apps...like in the example that you're white trash using the word classy.
I mean it's fine. It's a grade A selection of KKCO finest male tool bags.
How it works: You get a set number of matches a day, it's like 12 or something, and then you have to wait 24 hrs to get your next batch. Swipe and match accordingly. You and your matches have 24 hrs to exchange pick up lines or the connection fades away into cyber space-which is a new development as of lately.
Cons: it's just a large variety of douche bags. I swear to you. But hey, girls love assholes.
*note: this could be specific to Philadelphia and the exquisite douche/bro/lax/finance/sports fanatic males that we breed and bread.
Pros: you get to see a very wide profile. Lots of photos. Lots in the bio, from religion to hobbies.
Also, seemingly enough, they are all smart men. Tinder has more concrete workers, hinge has more college degrees.
So there you have it. That's your play by play to swipe away.
Tip to users: you will see co-workers, friends of friends, people from high school, grade school, college, friends ex boyfriends... You will see one or all of them.
It's your choice how you play the cards and roll the dice on your swiping.... But let me say, awkward situations happen regardless of the way you swipe.
So live a little, THINK they're hot? WHY NOT?
Also, ladies, if your dad is a mutual friend, take it from my experience- don't bring it up. For as long as possible. Because as soon as they associate you as someone's daughter, even if you were right swiped- you get put on a totally different playing field.
TRUST. This has happen to me on multiple occasions with both of my fathers. Tell. Them. Later. AS FUNNY AS YOU THINK IT IS. DON'T MENTION IT.
So now I have a case study for you!
A friend of mine decided to dive headfirst into the internet dating scene, and spoiler alert: it was a success! She made time for it and had a really good intention going full force into it.
She said she had wasted sometime swiping away but she wasn't super into it. So a friend of hers motivated her to go for internet dating. She set time aside and really got a lot out of her experience.
"It's almost overwhelming when you realize how many people are out there and having to navigate through it all."
This was her website dating advice:
Plenty of Fish- had absolutely no filter at all. No similar interests between matches. The intentions of her suitors were more serious than other dating apps she had tried.
Match.com- (She did the free trial run) Way too intense and incredibly expensive. You kept being able to upgrade and pay more money.
Ok cupid (app)- Option to swipe but also an option to just browse through. It's pretty similar to plenty of fish. Some people looking for a hookup but that is not necessarily the case.
"It started to stress me out. There's so much out there, it could become a full time job. I turned off notifications still got them through my email. The apps are good with that. Obviously it is addicting."
She amazingly enough, met a great guy on her first date and has been seeing him since.
But it begs the question, where are you suppose to meet someone at this age, as a 20something? You go to work- but you probably shouldn't shit where you eat and you also might not work with young date-able people, you already have your friends- and your probably know a lot of their friends already, you could meet someone at a bar but that's dicey... The way of meeting people gets slim as we get older, but it also becomes slimmer as people cling to their phones and don't look up to the world around them.
I have a guy friend who has relied on tinder for probably a good solid year. And he's had results, he's gotten laid but he's also gotten exhausted of swiping. I saw him lately and he had been a few months off of the tinder grind. He said, "It's going awesome and I'm not going back to it."
I think it really comes down to your intention. If you don't want to meet someone online, than jump in front of their phone IRL, and say, "HI EXCUSE ME!? HAY! YOU'RE HOT." Or like something smoother than that...
But at the same time, take advantage of what the world is offering us right now. Still trust in faith but it's ok to see what the Internet has to offer too.
People may have motives on these sites but you need to too. You need to have a positive attitude to see results. Positive things happen to positive people
Ok finally, my last piece of this blog
It seems if you aren't on an app, you still may be doing some dating, or flirting, through the internet.
Let's look at,
Flirting via Social Media:
Twitter- A great way to engage in conversation. It's kind of a dying media, in my eyes, for socializing. I think it has become more for news/business. If you're flirting on here you need a new outlet.
Instagram- If I like a photo of yours from 60 weeks ago, you know I was stalking you and i made the biggest mistake of 2016. If I like a photo in the past month I'm hollering, or like you have a really cute dog.
Adding someone on instagram that you kinda know is harmless and a good way of flirting in my opinion, because it's like hmm you're interesting but maybe I just follow a lot of people? Hmm? Hmm?
Facebook- poking? the generation below me probably doesn't even know this is a feature anymore and there are a few people I have active poke wars with but let me tell you kiddies there was a day and age were a Facebook poke was the equivalent of a wink. Or an Instagram like. Or whatever it is you kids do to flirt now-a-days.
Adding someone on Facebook is ballsy. I have a friend who was legitimately dating a dude for a while and still refused to add him on fb. She wanted him to do it, not her. I, on the other hand, will meet a guy at a bar and go home and add him- like two hours. I will not only find him, but add him. WHY NOT? Life's too short, there's too many social media outlets for me to not do this kind of thing.
But at the same time, if you don't really know me and I don't really know you and you add me or vice versa it is well known you're about to get stalked EITHER WAY.
linkedin-
hello young professional. If I look at your profile, it wasn't an accident. I know you know I looked at you. It was either A to get your sexual attention B because you looked familiar or C I thought I could professionally network with you. And if you're a lady it's probably C. If you're a frat boy now in finance it's probably A. So get back to your data entries and leave my profile alone. K thanks.
Snapchat- This is really all of what you make of it... Pictures that go away in 10seconds or less? Well yeah I think there are quite a number of dirty things happening on snapchat. A little shady if you're using snapchat-chat instead of texting. Who do you not want to see our convo? But I do like looking at your face more than just words on a screen so I appreciate that.
There you have it folks.
Swipe with caution, be young and dumb and have fun.
And quite frankly when I need to get laid though, it's not "I'm horny." That I can deal- but the intimacy factor is what I am craving. The actual human, not the sex.
"Hoping for love has fucking ruined my life."
But, as this blog started out saying, it sometimes sucks.
