Exit Only.

I don't really like leaving door ajar. I like doors opened and then closed.

I'm either in or out.

When I'm doing something I either go balls to the walls or not at all. Even if my full attempt is for a mere two seconds, I go as hard as I can. At least I try to.
If I don't think I'm going to be the best at something I will be very reluctant to do it.

This particularly pertains to my relationships.

I don't like the limbo.

....Which I find getting myself stuck in constantly because I have these fake relationships.

Guys don't even take the time to break up with me, they just stop talking to me. Usually because we weren't even really ever together.


"You're always trying to break up with me and we're not even together."
-Claire Elizabethtown

The main reason this keeps, constantly, happening is because I don't talk about my feelings or let people tell me theirs. I just don't want to go their.
No, no, no. I will write you a letter and then not discuss it, I will act like I love you and then run away, but I will not tell you how I am feeling.


I think I really will be forever alone because I just sit there and let people pass me by.

It's annoying too *on a side note* because some people say oh forever alone and they've had, oh and will have, relationships.
I actually will be forever alone. 
I haven't talked about this, or bitched about this in a while, because I've been trying to stay positive and focus on the less superficial things that concern my life but today has been the shittest of days- sorry yesterday- and I just want to bitch.

I would rather cut ties with someone then have a conversation and say how I feel about this or that. I'd rather defriend someone then deal with the fact that I miss them. Hear no evil, feel no evil- in my book.

"You know, there is nothing greater than deciding in your life that things maybe really are black and white!" "You shouldn't be the substitute for anybody."
- Drew Baylore Elizabethtown

There is no limbo for me. FUCK THE LIMBO.

It's my fault though too.  I think I'm still just at a bad girl at heart. In the sultry words of our beloved, controversial, bad bitch, Rihanna: "I've never made love but I know how to fuck."

Fuck in all senses of the word. Like fuck with and... Well... Fuck. 

But I'm growing up and I don't really fuck so much anymore... In any sense of the word actually. 

I know this. I deserve to be with someone who wants to keep the door wide open, no if ands or butts. I have high standards and I am fine with that. I am allowed to be picky. I am allowed to close doors. Especially if once a door is closed a boy doesn't try to knock or open it again. Then, well then, that door deserves to be locked.

The right man will find the key to my heart. He won't even need to knock or ring the door, he's key will open that door right up.