I remember when life was something totally different from what it is now. I was full of innocence in every capacity. I remember my first day of college, which was my 19th birthday, the last year of being a teenager, and I remember thinking that, now, I was finally living- I was on my own. I entered a new town (a new state even). Every single person I met, with the exception of Rita, was someone brand new and unlike anyone I had met before. I found people that would, and will, define my life and have helped me to figure out what life is.
When I turned 20, I was living at home. I cried. I think that was the first birthday I really cried. I didn't even know what I was crying about. That summer had been spent recuperating. I had been hospitalized in early June and I was getting better, but I didn't know what I was getting better from.
My 21st birthday was complete insanity. I party hopped to birthday parties for myself. Which is pretty much how the rest of that year went. Up until March 20, 2012- the day I got, and continue to stay, sober.
I also cried.
My first day of classes at Temple university was also my 22nd birthday. I didn't really tell anyone it was my birthday and I didn't really do much.
I don't know about Taylor Swift... But 22 didn't mean very much- but I didn't cry.
By 23, I was feeling sober and alive. I had an amazing summer leading up to 23. I did fun things and I really felt that I was able to have a life again and live like a human being. *Side note: One thing they don't tell you right away, when you get sober, is that you're pressing a restart button and everything is going to change...*
Then my world got rocked when I didn't... do school, and almost failed out. If not for that failure I never would have gotten involved in service and found out what it means to truly give back, and my life would not be what it is today. Now, service is my life.
I think I cried, but not enough to remember.
On my 24th birthday, I was sent flowers from a boy for the second time in my life and they were beautiful. I had a birthday dinner with really good friends and it was sober and a lot of fun. I loved every minute of my 24th birthday. But my 24th year on earth was, at times, like living in hell. It was possibly the hardest year of my life to date. minus year 21.
21 definitely wasn't the hardest year of my life. It was probably just the most ups and downs I've ever experienced, in the shortest amount of time. 24- definitely the toughest shit I have ever had to endure.
It's amazing how things can transform in one year. One day of the year you could feel like the world is ending and nothing will save you and a year later, you could have so much purpose it brings you to tears.
Now, as I leave early 20s and enter mid-late 20s, I'm feeling reflective of 20s past (as you can tell...). And it's funny because I actually have never written a birthday blog post!? I guess I just tried to Keep Calm and Pretend it's not Happening.
They never warned us about these years.
Yet if you ask anyone who has been through them, or who is in the thick of it- they will tell you it is the most difficult time of your life.
Shit happens and things get real. Like realer than you ever imagined.
I don't regret anything that has happened to me or that I have had to experience. I am who I am today because of everything that has come my way.
As they say, every success is built on a shit ton of failure.
And I've failed. Oh boy, oh boy, have I failed. But I have learned and I have grown.
and I will continue to learn from the things that come my way because I'm starting to learn these aren't just crazy things that are happening... this is life. Life is hard, confusing and comes at you fast,
especially in your 20s.
Now that I know all that I know, I am so curious to see what is in store for the next five years of my life.
Before I thought I knew everything, now I have realized I don't know shit.
With that knowledge I welcome 25 and the lessons I have to learn.
I think for a long time I was fighting to get to adulthood and now I'm fighting actual adulthood. When I was little I wanted things to happen faster, I felt so young and like life was so far ahead of me. I just wanted to be apart of the scene and hang with the older kids.
Now I am an older kid. I don't feel like I'm trying to be an adult anymore. I feel like it's just my mind set. Like I am no longer and child. AAAAAAnd of course the grass is always greener on the other side...
So now I'm like wait wait kids I swear I'm cool! LIKE ME! BE MY FRIENDDDD
But if there are any young girls, or boys, out there reading this please live in the present of your youth. Don't try to act older. Just enjoy your life, every minute of it as it comes and goes. Be young and dumb and be ok with that.
But, it's not like I am a senior citizen... In the eyes of many people I am still very, very young. So I will take that.
I've heard that this is great year, being 25.
So, I'm excited. I am excited for the beginning of my mid-late 20s.
I feel something in the air. It's kinda like when I first went to Burlington, and I knew everything was right ahead of me on the road I was about to step on.
I am ready for my next journey. I welcome whatever the fuck life has to throw at me.
*knock on wood*
"Happy Birthday to me, world," said yab. "And let them eat cupcakes."
At 25, I cried...tears of joy.
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